For Better or Worse | Better Together | TBN

For Better or Worse | Better Together

Watch For Better or Worse | Better Together
November 14, 2019
27:27

Has your marriage ever endured a season that made you question if you'd make it? We're talking about how to endure, heal, and rebuild trust with your spouse. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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For Better or Worse | Better Together

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  • - On our wedding day, we vow to stay together
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  • for better or for worse.
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  • But how can we overcome hurt and betrayal?
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  • Can we learn to trust again?
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  • Let's talk about it.
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  • (upbeat music)
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  • - [Rebecca] My marriage was messy
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  • almost from the beginning.
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  • Because we both came from like I said
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  • alcoholic parent, physical and sexual abuse,
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  • and then we found Jesus,
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  • we figured we just gonna make it work.
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  • What I did not know about my husband
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  • was that at about 10 years old,
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  • he had been exposed to porn.
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  • And had had this on again, off again,
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  • battle with what he did not call an addiction
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  • but really was an addiction to porn.
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  • So at some point in the marriage,
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  • I noticed he would do things like
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  • go to the grocery store,
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  • and be there too long for the amount of
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  • stuff he bought, you know.
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  • And I'd be like, "What are you doing?"
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  • "Oh I was reading the music magazines,
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  • or I was you know,
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  • or I just got caught up, doing things."
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  • And I can recall we had maybe
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  • one conversation about pornography early in the marriage,
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  • and he talked about how he, would watch it
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  • or look at it and throw it away
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  • but he said that was a long time ago.
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  • So he wasn't honest about, this ongoing problem.
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  • So flash forward,
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  • we'd been married 20 years, 21 years,
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  • and, because my husband works in the industry
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  • where he travels a lot, he's away a lot,
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  • you know you could be doing anything really.
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  • And since there weren't any rumors coming back to me,
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  • that there was some girl here,
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  • anything like that, I never suspected that
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  • he'd ever done anything like be unfaithful or,
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  • - [Dianna] Right.
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  • - [Rebecca] You know, I certainly felt it was possible,
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  • but there'd just never been any
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  • whispers or anybody coming to me.
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  • In fact, it was just the opposite,
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  • when I go to the set, everybody talked about,
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  • what a great guy Terry is and he loves you so much,
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  • he talks about you all the time and
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  • these little girls be trying to look at him
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  • and he don't pay them no mind,
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  • and you know I heard stories like that night and day.
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  • So I just thought okay praise the Lord
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  • well you better.
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  • (laughter)
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  • And so, um, but we went through this season
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  • that I call you know, the valley of the shadow of death
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  • and God, really what precipitated it,
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  • was God started to speak to me,
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  • and had me getting up in the morning to pray.
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  • Which I did not like, I'm a night owl.
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  • (laughter)
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  • And God's like,
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  • "I want you to meet me at 5Am every morning,"
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  • and I was like, "Why."
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  • And I was like, "Okay whatever,"
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  • so it took me probably a week to be obedient.
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  • So I'm down in the living room,
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  • five in the morning no sun,
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  • and I'm like, "What cannot wait until 7AM Lord
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  • like really," like this is terrible
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  • but that's really how I felt.
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  • He said, "You're about to go through it."
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  • and I was like, "What?"
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  • He said, "You're about to go through the valley
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  • of the shadow of death."
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  • And I said, "What's the matter with me Lord,
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  • am I sick, am I dying?"
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  • He said, "No, but you'll wish you had."
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  • (laughter)
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  • And I said, "What Lord?"
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  • And he began to download into my heart,
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  • these little things that similar to what you just shared,
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  • didn't make sense.
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  • Little comments that were made,
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  • um who is this person in the phone,
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  • or you know, just little inconsistencies that
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  • maybe I didn't wanna see.
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  • But because there wasn't like hard proof,
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  • there wasn't like some woman calling me like,
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  • you know, "I'm wit your man,"
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  • or something silly, something like a soap opera.
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  • - Right.
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  • - [Rebecca] I began to challenge my husband,
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  • he was away on location.
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  • And we had a fight one night,
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  • and God just started bringing all this stuff up
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  • like, "Ask him this, ask him this, ask him this."
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  • And suddenly my husband was like,
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  • "Well why are you asking me?
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  • And he is very defensive, and,
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  • I finally said to him,
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  • and I'm screaming, this was so odd because
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  • as a Christian I always thought it was a sin
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  • to be angry.
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  • So I was never allowing myself to be fully emotional
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  • in my marriage, if I was really angry,
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  • I would squash it, you know.
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  • But I was yelling at him at the top of my lungs,
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  • like this wrath came over me.
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  • And I said, "What don't I know about you?"
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  • And he just spit out that he had been addicted to porn,
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  • he'd gone to strip clubs,
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  • and he had been unfaithful.
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  • And God said to me, "Kick him out."
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  • And I said, "Okay,"
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  • I said, "We're done."
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  • And he started to cry.
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  • And he said, he's like, "Becci, I told you everything,"
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  • and I said, "Yeah that's good and now get ready
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  • to see your kids on the weekend,
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  • coz I'm done. Coz I told you if you ever
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  • stepped outside, that I would never forgive you,
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  • that I would never tolerate it."
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  • And I hung up,
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  • and then I fell on the floor like Jesus,
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  • I said, "I've been married 20 years I have five kids,
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  • I haven't worked in 10 years."
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  • and God just said to me,
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  • "I will take care of you like I did
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  • before you had a husband."
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  • And I was wearing this little white robe
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  • and I said I was like Lazarus in the grave,
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  • for three days I did not come out of that robe.
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  • I don't know how my children ate,
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  • I don't know, how they coped.
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  • Because I don't remember anything but,
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  • just crying and crying, and crying.
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  • And as we got through maybe a week into that process,
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  • the Lord started to speak to me,
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  • that I should be open to forgiving him.
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  • And I said, "But God you're the one that told me
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  • to kick him out."
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  • And he said, "Rebecca,
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  • I'm gonna give you a new man,
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  • but he will be the old one reborn."
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  • And I said, "How can you promise me that?"
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  • He said, "Just watch."
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  • My life verse since I was 16 has been,
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  • "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart
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  • and lean not to thine own understanding.
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  • In all thy ways acknowledge him
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  • and he will direct your path."
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  • I always felt that if I could get God's opinion on anything,
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  • I could just never make another mistake in my life.
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  • (laughs)
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  • When I went through the crises with my spouse,
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  • that resulted in us braking up,
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  • I most definitely was utterly completely
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  • like flat on my back dependent on listening
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  • to the Holy Spirit.
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  • It was the Holy Spirit that prompted
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  • me to begin digging,
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  • around the relationship to see that there were
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  • weeds and bad fruit.
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  • It was the Holy Spirit that directed me to
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  • exit the marriage.
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  • And it was the Holy Spirit that directed me
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  • how to restore.
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  • And I started to hear these songs about
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  • healing and restoration in my heart,
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  • and even this whole Natalie Cole song
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  • I told the story.
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  • There's this old song she used to sing,
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  • "I'm keeping the light shining in the window
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  • in case he decides to come home."
  • 00:08:09.240 --> 00:08:12.050
  • And finally one day God said,
  • 00:08:12.050 --> 00:08:13.170
  • "Pick up the phone and call him."
  • 00:08:13.170 --> 00:08:15.070
  • And I was like, "I don't wanna call him,"
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  • and he said, "Call him."
  • 00:08:17.170 --> 00:08:19.030
  • And I felt like the Lord snatched me
  • 00:08:19.030 --> 00:08:20.280
  • like, "Now be obedient, you were obedient to everything
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  • I told you to do up to now, do what I'm telling you.
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  • I need you to take off the wife hat,
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  • and put on the minister hat."
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  • Coz I'd been in ministry for like 20 years
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  • already at this point. Lay ministry, you know,
  • 00:08:35.040 --> 00:08:37.220
  • serving and praying for people and,
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  • listening to their problems,
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  • and God said, "What would you say if this was
  • 00:08:41.130 --> 00:08:44.240
  • somebody else's husband?
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  • What would you say if this was your girlfriend
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  • and her husband and he was sorry?
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  • What would you say?"
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  • I was like, "Dang it!"
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  • (laughter)
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  • I called my husband and he's crying on the phone,
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  • he said, "I can't believe you called me,"
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  • and I said, "God told me to call you,
  • 00:09:02.260 --> 00:09:05.200
  • and he told me to fix you."
  • 00:09:06.200 --> 00:09:08.180
  • And I start to sing this song to him,
  • 00:09:08.180 --> 00:09:11.050
  • by Coldplay, "Lights will guide you home"
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  • And I will try to fix you.
  • 00:09:14.280 --> 00:09:18.180
  • And he just wept.
  • 00:09:18.180 --> 00:09:19.220
  • And he said, "Are you sure?"
  • 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:22.080
  • I said, "Look, He told me to give you one chance,
  • 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:25.240
  • and that's it." And my husband,
  • 00:09:27.030 --> 00:09:30.050
  • and it's funny because I tell this back story
  • 00:09:30.050 --> 00:09:32.210
  • because God was already,
  • 00:09:32.210 --> 00:09:34.110
  • dealing with him long before that phone call.
  • 00:09:35.160 --> 00:09:38.040
  • To the point where he knew, like God said,
  • 00:09:38.040 --> 00:09:41.130
  • "If you don't come clean,
  • 00:09:41.130 --> 00:09:42.290
  • I'm gonna remove my blessing from your life.
  • 00:09:42.290 --> 00:09:45.260
  • Like this is it, like your grace is up."
  • 00:09:45.260 --> 00:09:48.080
  • And my husband, true to his form really,
  • 00:09:49.140 --> 00:09:53.110
  • he genuinely repented, he genuinely fell on that rock
  • 00:09:53.110 --> 00:09:58.070
  • and allowed his heart to be broken.
  • 00:09:58.070 --> 00:10:00.160
  • He went to counseling, he went to therapy,
  • 00:10:00.160 --> 00:10:02.230
  • he bought a new Bible,
  • 00:10:02.230 --> 00:10:04.140
  • he read every Men's Bible you could find,
  • 00:10:04.140 --> 00:10:07.210
  • he went to rehab, like 10 days with total strangers,
  • 00:10:07.210 --> 00:10:12.050
  • talking about his addiction
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  • and came home a very different person.
  • 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:16.150
  • And I say this to say, had God not been with me,
  • 00:10:16.150 --> 00:10:20.060
  • I could not have had faith to believe,
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  • that we could overcome that.
  • 00:10:24.200 --> 00:10:26.150
  • Because that was my do or die,
  • 00:10:26.150 --> 00:10:29.150
  • like you can be a jerk,
  • 00:10:29.150 --> 00:10:31.130
  • you don't pay your bills on time,
  • 00:10:31.130 --> 00:10:33.160
  • you know you got other problems,
  • 00:10:33.160 --> 00:10:35.060
  • but you do that, and I forever am done with you.
  • 00:10:35.060 --> 00:10:39.260
  • And so I had to die to my pride,
  • 00:10:39.260 --> 00:10:43.290
  • to say, that's the unforgivable sin,
  • 00:10:43.290 --> 00:10:46.260
  • that is unforgivable.
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  • God's like, "Mmm, back in your day
  • 00:10:49.140 --> 00:10:51.160
  • you did a little dirt and I forgave you, so,
  • 00:10:51.160 --> 00:10:54.250
  • show him the same grace."
  • 00:10:56.090 --> 00:10:57.260
  • - [Rhiannon] So when there's been hurt in a marriage
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  • and, there is grief as a consequence
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  • so one partner has been hurt,
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  • it takes time to heal
  • 00:11:08.280 --> 00:11:10.290
  • and certainly we cannot expect that
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  • if I say sorry then you should just be fine
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  • and we just move on like nothing happened.
  • 00:11:16.050 --> 00:11:18.290
  • No there's actually going to be
  • 00:11:18.290 --> 00:11:20.210
  • a process, there are, there's consequences
  • 00:11:20.210 --> 00:11:23.200
  • to our actions and consequences to our sin
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  • and so, there will certainly be a time of grief,
  • 00:11:26.170 --> 00:11:31.090
  • where there may be a lot of mixed emotions.
  • 00:11:31.090 --> 00:11:34.080
  • A lot of anger there, "How could you do this to me?"
  • 00:11:34.080 --> 00:11:37.250
  • There might be a lot of questions about, "What happened?"
  • 00:11:37.250 --> 00:11:42.060
  • A lot of fear about, "What if this happens again?"
  • 00:11:42.060 --> 00:11:45.090
  • Sadness because it's actually
  • 00:11:45.090 --> 00:11:47.210
  • grieving, almost that loss of the marriage
  • 00:11:47.210 --> 00:11:50.200
  • that I thought I had.
  • 00:11:50.200 --> 00:11:52.140
  • And so often especially when there has been infidelity,
  • 00:11:52.140 --> 00:11:55.140
  • we talk about starting a second marriage
  • 00:11:55.140 --> 00:11:57.250
  • not with someone else,
  • 00:11:57.250 --> 00:11:59.130
  • but it's like as a couple,
  • 00:11:59.130 --> 00:12:01.070
  • we actually can't go back to being
  • 00:12:01.070 --> 00:12:03.120
  • that couple that we were before,
  • 00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:05.150
  • this infidelity happened,
  • 00:12:05.150 --> 00:12:07.150
  • but we're going to actually do the hard work,
  • 00:12:07.150 --> 00:12:10.050
  • and lean in and we're going to allow ourselves
  • 00:12:10.050 --> 00:12:12.140
  • that time to heal, the space to heal if needed,
  • 00:12:12.140 --> 00:12:17.000
  • and actually, start our marriage afresh
  • 00:12:17.000 --> 00:12:20.100
  • if both are committed to that
  • 00:12:20.100 --> 00:12:21.240
  • and there's been remorse, and forgiveness.
  • 00:12:21.240 --> 00:12:25.090
  • We want you to join the conversation.
  • 00:12:26.280 --> 00:12:28.280
  • - [Dianna] Connect with us on social media
  • 00:12:28.280 --> 00:12:30.160
  • and let's get better together.
  • 00:12:30.160 --> 00:12:32.010
  • - [Rebecca] And my husband is such
  • 00:12:35.090 --> 00:12:37.030
  • an amazing person today.
  • 00:12:37.030 --> 00:12:39.020
  • I watched him grieve his addiction,
  • 00:12:39.020 --> 00:12:42.210
  • my husband who didn't cry or apologize
  • 00:12:42.210 --> 00:12:44.270
  • for easily 20 years,
  • 00:12:44.270 --> 00:12:46.260
  • he cried everyday, for like three years.
  • 00:12:46.260 --> 00:12:49.260
  • He would just, get out the bed and come find me,
  • 00:12:49.260 --> 00:12:53.130
  • "I'm so sorry."
  • 00:12:53.130 --> 00:12:55.010
  • - [Laura] Wow.
  • 00:12:55.010 --> 00:12:56.000
  • - [Rebecca] I'm so sorry I never
  • 00:12:56.000 --> 00:12:57.020
  • brought you into my struggle,
  • 00:12:57.020 --> 00:12:58.240
  • because we could've fought it together
  • 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:00.280
  • we could've, healed this before it came to this point,
  • 00:13:00.280 --> 00:13:05.150
  • and I'm so ashamed."
  • 00:13:05.150 --> 00:13:07.020
  • And he just was so broken and so humble,
  • 00:13:07.020 --> 00:13:10.000
  • that I didn't recognize him, I did not,
  • 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:12.280
  • it was truly a miraculous work of God.
  • 00:13:12.280 --> 00:13:16.080
  • - [Dianna] Praise God.
  • 00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:17.140
  • - [Rebecca] To live with someone for 20 years
  • 00:13:17.140 --> 00:13:19.090
  • and to really believe from the depths of your soul,
  • 00:13:19.090 --> 00:13:22.050
  • that they are never gonna change.
  • 00:13:22.050 --> 00:13:24.000
  • And to watch him just,
  • 00:13:24.270 --> 00:13:27.040
  • like the blob,
  • 00:13:27.040 --> 00:13:28.100
  • just like become this whole other person
  • 00:13:28.100 --> 00:13:30.240
  • in front of my eyes.
  • 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:32.090
  • - [Laura] That's what the Holy Spirit can do isn't it?
  • 00:13:32.090 --> 00:13:33.110
  • - [Everyone] Yes. Yes.
  • 00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:35.220
  • - [Jeannie] I think that you said something
  • 00:13:35.220 --> 00:13:36.290
  • that's really, really beautiful,
  • 00:13:36.290 --> 00:13:38.270
  • and that is, "He brought me into his struggle."
  • 00:13:38.270 --> 00:13:42.150
  • - [Rebecca] Yes.
  • 00:13:42.150 --> 00:13:43.220
  • - [Jeannie] Which I think in relationships
  • 00:13:43.220 --> 00:13:45.030
  • if we can walk humbly before one another
  • 00:13:45.030 --> 00:13:47.290
  • and really trust one another and to
  • 00:13:47.290 --> 00:13:51.060
  • be able to let someone see our vulnerability
  • 00:13:51.060 --> 00:13:54.260
  • and see our struggle.
  • 00:13:54.260 --> 00:13:56.190
  • Because we have great ability to comfort
  • 00:13:56.190 --> 00:14:00.260
  • and to help, in the right way,
  • 00:14:00.260 --> 00:14:04.000
  • when we allow somebody to see our struggle.
  • 00:14:04.000 --> 00:14:06.180
  • And in a relationship,
  • 00:14:06.180 --> 00:14:08.170
  • a husband and wife relationship,
  • 00:14:08.170 --> 00:14:10.160
  • I think it's really really important.
  • 00:14:10.160 --> 00:14:13.100
  • If you cannot be vulnerable with the other individual
  • 00:14:13.100 --> 00:14:18.100
  • I think you'll have a lot of challenges.
  • 00:14:19.160 --> 00:14:21.210
  • I mean you face enough challenges on your own but,
  • 00:14:21.210 --> 00:14:24.000
  • I think sharing, being able to share your struggle
  • 00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:27.240
  • is, crucial; and if you're able to share your struggle
  • 00:14:27.240 --> 00:14:31.280
  • then the other person can be compassionate towards,
  • 00:14:31.280 --> 00:14:34.280
  • I think often times we're not compassionate towards
  • 00:14:34.280 --> 00:14:38.060
  • one another, and we don't feel like we can
  • 00:14:38.060 --> 00:14:40.180
  • share ourselves, and if you're that way,
  • 00:14:40.180 --> 00:14:42.280
  • there's a chance that you don't trust that
  • 00:14:42.280 --> 00:14:44.250
  • other individual with, your heart,
  • 00:14:44.250 --> 00:14:47.270
  • and you've got to get past that.
  • 00:14:47.270 --> 00:14:49.070
  • So to me that's really really important.
  • 00:14:49.070 --> 00:14:51.070
  • And when someone shares their struggle with you,
  • 00:14:52.130 --> 00:14:54.270
  • you've got to hold it to your heart,
  • 00:14:54.270 --> 00:14:56.270
  • because they've opened themselves up to you.
  • 00:14:56.270 --> 00:14:59.250
  • - [Rebecca] And to his credit my husband
  • 00:14:59.250 --> 00:15:02.220
  • allowed me to grieve.
  • 00:15:02.220 --> 00:15:04.290
  • He allowed me to get angry,
  • 00:15:04.290 --> 00:15:06.150
  • he allowed me to have moments,
  • 00:15:06.150 --> 00:15:08.250
  • that I vented how I felt,
  • 00:15:08.250 --> 00:15:10.250
  • and that "I hate you right now."
  • 00:15:10.250 --> 00:15:13.020
  • And he would just hug me.
  • 00:15:13.020 --> 00:15:15.150
  • He would just say, "I don't care if we're miserable
  • 00:15:15.150 --> 00:15:18.240
  • together, we're staying together." (laughs)
  • 00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:20.070
  • I mean he would say that.
  • 00:15:20.070 --> 00:15:21.190
  • Because he's so, and I have to tell you,
  • 00:15:21.190 --> 00:15:24.120
  • my self worth wasn't as high as it should've been,
  • 00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:27.120
  • so I was convinced, that nobody would ever
  • 00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:30.150
  • fight for me like that.
  • 00:15:30.150 --> 00:15:31.210
  • - Wow.
  • 00:15:32.180 --> 00:15:34.010
  • - [Rebecca] And when my spouse fought for me like that,
  • 00:15:34.010 --> 00:15:35.150
  • it really changed the way I saw myself.
  • 00:15:35.150 --> 00:15:38.050
  • And enhanced our marriage.
  • 00:15:39.040 --> 00:15:41.290
  • - [Dianna] Yeah.
  • 00:15:41.290 --> 00:15:43.060
  • - [Rebecca] And gave me a real picture
  • 00:15:43.060 --> 00:15:46.090
  • of God's redemptive power.
  • 00:15:46.090 --> 00:15:47.260
  • Because that was my impossible,
  • 00:15:48.270 --> 00:15:51.100
  • it really, I was determined to live the rest of my life
  • 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:54.280
  • with a man that I could barely tolerate,
  • 00:15:54.280 --> 00:15:57.090
  • coz he was angry, and he was vengeful,
  • 00:15:57.090 --> 00:16:00.200
  • and he was morose, and he was driven.
  • 00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:04.170
  • And I just had to find my happiness in God
  • 00:16:05.240 --> 00:16:08.040
  • and find my happiness in my kids,
  • 00:16:08.040 --> 00:16:09.210
  • and my church and,
  • 00:16:09.210 --> 00:16:11.040
  • my life that I'd built, without him.
  • 00:16:11.040 --> 00:16:14.060
  • - [Dianna] Yeah.
  • 00:16:14.060 --> 00:16:15.130
  • - [Rebecca] Coz he was all about his addiction
  • 00:16:15.130 --> 00:16:17.110
  • and his dreams.
  • 00:16:17.110 --> 00:16:18.120
  • And I now really have a family,
  • 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:23.110
  • I really have a family with my husband;
  • 00:16:23.110 --> 00:16:26.070
  • he's redeeming the time,
  • 00:16:26.070 --> 00:16:28.140
  • he's building up his children,
  • 00:16:28.140 --> 00:16:30.100
  • he's mentoring our son.
  • 00:16:30.100 --> 00:16:33.050
  • Like all those things that I used to go,
  • 00:16:33.050 --> 00:16:35.050
  • "You know those Christian books says that,
  • 00:16:35.050 --> 00:16:37.120
  • you should be doing this, (laughter) you know.
  • 00:16:37.120 --> 00:16:38.190
  • - [Laura] You heard that didn't you? (laughs)
  • 00:16:38.190 --> 00:16:40.060
  • - [Rebecca] Yes and,
  • 00:16:40.060 --> 00:16:42.030
  • - [Laura] Wow that's good.
  • 00:16:42.030 --> 00:16:43.180
  • - [Rebecca] Um I say, "Why did it take 20 years Lord?"
  • 00:16:43.180 --> 00:16:45.150
  • But God knows, how we are wired and how we are made.
  • 00:16:45.150 --> 00:16:49.230
  • - [Laura] Yeah.
  • 00:16:49.230 --> 00:16:50.290
  • - [Rebecca] And for whatever reason
  • 00:16:50.290 --> 00:16:52.060
  • that was the do or die day for my husband.
  • 00:16:52.060 --> 00:16:55.100
  • We call it "D Day" you know,
  • 00:16:55.100 --> 00:16:57.250
  • that he, really came back to his true self,
  • 00:16:57.250 --> 00:17:01.260
  • back to his Father God,
  • 00:17:01.260 --> 00:17:03.180
  • and back to living,
  • 00:17:03.180 --> 00:17:04.270
  • openly and humbly and unafraid.
  • 00:17:06.030 --> 00:17:08.180
  • And the thing he said to me the most
  • 00:17:08.180 --> 00:17:10.150
  • that is impactful, is he said,
  • 00:17:10.150 --> 00:17:14.160
  • "I always believed," because I'd told him,
  • 00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:17.250
  • if he ever cheated I'd leave him,
  • 00:17:17.250 --> 00:17:19.290
  • he said, "I always believed that if Rebecca
  • 00:17:19.290 --> 00:17:22.040
  • saw me the way I really was,
  • 00:17:22.040 --> 00:17:24.090
  • she would never accept me."
  • 00:17:24.090 --> 00:17:26.000
  • And he said, "The way that you loved me,
  • 00:17:27.070 --> 00:17:30.060
  • in spite of what I had done,
  • 00:17:30.060 --> 00:17:32.210
  • completely changed me."
  • 00:17:32.210 --> 00:17:34.280
  • And that's the cross.
  • 00:17:34.280 --> 00:17:37.000
  • - [Dianna] That's the message of Jesus,
  • 00:17:37.000 --> 00:17:39.130
  • you lived it, it's you lived it.
  • 00:17:39.130 --> 00:17:41.150
  • You know outside looking in,
  • 00:17:41.150 --> 00:17:43.170
  • it's like these are the stories that,
  • 00:17:43.170 --> 00:17:45.250
  • that build the kingdom.
  • 00:17:45.250 --> 00:17:47.120
  • - Yes.
  • 00:17:47.120 --> 00:17:48.190
  • - [Dianna] It's not, I think it's the,
  • 00:17:48.190 --> 00:17:50.180
  • the misnomer of, even in either church life,
  • 00:17:50.180 --> 00:17:53.210
  • kingdom life, being a Christian, a believer,
  • 00:17:53.210 --> 00:17:55.230
  • a follower of Jesus, we have this preconceived notion
  • 00:17:55.230 --> 00:17:59.110
  • of, that our lives are removed from pain.
  • 00:17:59.110 --> 00:18:03.210
  • But the thing is we get to, we get the privilege
  • 00:18:03.210 --> 00:18:06.150
  • of now walking a life, a real life,
  • 00:18:06.150 --> 00:18:10.040
  • with the people that we decide to do life with,
  • 00:18:10.040 --> 00:18:13.070
  • and to live a real life.
  • 00:18:13.070 --> 00:18:15.290
  • If you have the blessing of sticking it through,
  • 00:18:15.290 --> 00:18:18.170
  • you're gonna see, an aged love, a pure love,
  • 00:18:19.210 --> 00:18:24.020
  • a love that can weather through stuff,
  • 00:18:24.020 --> 00:18:26.180
  • a partner in crime, that will be there
  • 00:18:26.180 --> 00:18:29.100
  • through thick and thin,
  • 00:18:29.100 --> 00:18:31.010
  • that will love you through the cancer diagnosis,
  • 00:18:31.010 --> 00:18:33.250
  • or the mastectomy,
  • 00:18:33.250 --> 00:18:35.230
  • that will love you through when
  • 00:18:35.230 --> 00:18:38.020
  • you've lost your, your mom or dad.
  • 00:18:38.020 --> 00:18:40.280
  • When you're caring for elderly parents;
  • 00:18:42.190 --> 00:18:45.090
  • it's that person that walks you through it.
  • 00:18:45.090 --> 00:18:48.070
  • One that changes the diapers,
  • 00:18:48.070 --> 00:18:49.160
  • my husband changed 16 diapers a day.
  • 00:18:49.160 --> 00:18:52.000
  • That's what a real marriage is.
  • 00:18:53.090 --> 00:18:55.070
  • As I was going through my post-partum depression,
  • 00:18:55.070 --> 00:18:57.210
  • you know, that's what real marriage looks like.
  • 00:18:59.030 --> 00:19:02.000
  • A real marriage, what it is.
  • 00:19:02.000 --> 00:19:04.240
  • And so, to have a pain free world,
  • 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:07.170
  • I hate to burst your bubble but it's not true.
  • 00:19:07.170 --> 00:19:10.100
  • But I'll tell you this if you stick it through,
  • 00:19:11.280 --> 00:19:14.280
  • you gonna have a blessed love,
  • 00:19:14.280 --> 00:19:17.120
  • a God-centered marriage that you'll be proud of.
  • 00:19:17.120 --> 00:19:21.000
  • We treat people like as disposables like,
  • 00:19:21.000 --> 00:19:23.270
  • we kind of, you know, you wronged me,
  • 00:19:23.270 --> 00:19:26.100
  • you're out of my life.
  • 00:19:26.100 --> 00:19:27.240
  • And that was the culture I lived in.
  • 00:19:27.240 --> 00:19:30.180
  • Similar culture as far as like,
  • 00:19:30.180 --> 00:19:32.120
  • you don't forgive people if they've wronged you,
  • 00:19:32.120 --> 00:19:34.140
  • they've been blacklisted,
  • 00:19:34.140 --> 00:19:35.160
  • you know that kind of thing.
  • 00:19:35.160 --> 00:19:36.280
  • That was the culture that I lived in,
  • 00:19:36.280 --> 00:19:38.190
  • but to come into the kingdom with a whole new
  • 00:19:38.190 --> 00:19:40.190
  • kingdom principle, brought rules, laws, regulations,
  • 00:19:40.190 --> 00:19:45.000
  • it was a whole totally different life
  • 00:19:45.000 --> 00:19:47.070
  • than the life that I was raised in.
  • 00:19:47.070 --> 00:19:49.040
  • So to see your story and to see how God used you,
  • 00:19:49.040 --> 00:19:52.180
  • how both you and your husband are
  • 00:19:52.180 --> 00:19:54.060
  • even serving you know the Lord's purposes
  • 00:19:54.060 --> 00:19:56.280
  • in your individual lives, that's powerful.
  • 00:19:56.280 --> 00:19:59.250
  • That's the message of Jesus,
  • 00:19:59.250 --> 00:20:02.070
  • it's like go talk to Rebecca, she'll tell you
  • 00:20:02.070 --> 00:20:04.280
  • the whole gospel in a nutshell,
  • 00:20:04.280 --> 00:20:06.150
  • this is what it's like.
  • 00:20:06.150 --> 00:20:08.000
  • - [Rebecca] And I tell you the Spirit of the Lord,
  • 00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:09.180
  • and thank you for your words,
  • 00:20:09.180 --> 00:20:11.270
  • but the Spirit of the Lord really challenged me
  • 00:20:11.270 --> 00:20:14.070
  • he said, "Do you believe the gospel or not?"
  • 00:20:14.070 --> 00:20:17.230
  • I was like, "Dang Lord," (laughs)
  • 00:20:19.190 --> 00:20:22.080
  • - [Dianna] Yes. (laughs)
  • 00:20:22.080 --> 00:20:23.060
  • - [Rebecca] "Why you gotta."
  • 00:20:23.060 --> 00:20:24.150
  • I mean it was like, like the one thing,
  • 00:20:24.150 --> 00:20:27.240
  • don't ever tell God what you won't do.
  • 00:20:27.240 --> 00:20:29.230
  • (Dianna laughs)
  • 00:20:29.230 --> 00:20:30.290
  • Because I would've never thought,
  • 00:20:30.290 --> 00:20:32.220
  • that I could endure that.
  • 00:20:33.180 --> 00:20:36.070
  • Because when you forgive you really
  • 00:20:36.070 --> 00:20:39.010
  • are allowing yourself, to take their hurt
  • 00:20:39.010 --> 00:20:41.200
  • and not throw it back.
  • 00:20:41.200 --> 00:20:43.020
  • - Yeah, yes.
  • 00:20:43.020 --> 00:20:44.010
  • - [Rebecca] And not retaliate.
  • 00:20:44.010 --> 00:20:46.100
  • You cling to the cross and you take the pain
  • 00:20:46.100 --> 00:20:48.260
  • you take it, and then hopefully you know
  • 00:20:50.010 --> 00:20:51.220
  • you turn it over to God and God takes the pain.
  • 00:20:51.220 --> 00:20:54.280
  • - [Laurie] You know sometimes marriage is super messy,
  • 00:20:54.280 --> 00:20:58.140
  • and sometimes, super messy is happening
  • 00:20:58.140 --> 00:21:00.290
  • right next door or maybe to a sister or a friend.
  • 00:21:00.290 --> 00:21:04.210
  • I think love and support, there's probably
  • 00:21:06.070 --> 00:21:10.170
  • a time or two where, that I might have not
  • 00:21:10.170 --> 00:21:13.030
  • supported something, you know and just like,
  • 00:21:13.030 --> 00:21:15.200
  • you know what, you need to just let that go.
  • 00:21:15.200 --> 00:21:18.130
  • (chuckles)
  • 00:21:18.130 --> 00:21:19.140
  • And to this day there's one,
  • 00:21:19.140 --> 00:21:23.140
  • one marriage in particular that didn't go well
  • 00:21:26.060 --> 00:21:29.180
  • in our family and
  • 00:21:29.180 --> 00:21:31.160
  • I wish I would've been a little more supportive in that.
  • 00:21:31.160 --> 00:21:34.250
  • I look back now and I think just (exhales)
  • 00:21:34.250 --> 00:21:39.240
  • 20/20 hindsight,
  • 00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:41.080
  • wish that I would have encouraged just a little more
  • 00:21:42.190 --> 00:21:46.100
  • instead of going, "I'd beat it," (laughs)
  • 00:21:46.100 --> 00:21:49.180
  • you know. Um, so I think we just have to be
  • 00:21:49.180 --> 00:21:52.140
  • real careful what we say, to people going through stuff,
  • 00:21:52.140 --> 00:21:55.130
  • I think we need to encourage them in the Lord
  • 00:21:55.130 --> 00:21:57.100
  • as much as possible,
  • 00:21:57.100 --> 00:21:58.180
  • because you know marriage is worth fighting for.
  • 00:22:00.060 --> 00:22:02.180
  • - [Jeannie] Maybe not everybody has the same
  • 00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:05.130
  • ending that you do.
  • 00:22:05.130 --> 00:22:06.150
  • - [Rebecca] Right.
  • 00:22:06.150 --> 00:22:07.230
  • - [Jeannie] Coz marriage is just messy at times,
  • 00:22:07.230 --> 00:22:10.090
  • but you set an example that people,
  • 00:22:10.090 --> 00:22:13.190
  • couples that are going through it that are struggling
  • 00:22:13.190 --> 00:22:16.060
  • with so many different things that,
  • 00:22:16.060 --> 00:22:17.180
  • says you know, they walked through hell,
  • 00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:21.000
  • and they kept walking and they've come through.
  • 00:22:21.000 --> 00:22:23.270
  • And they walk in humility,
  • 00:22:23.270 --> 00:22:26.070
  • they walk in forgiveness towards one another,
  • 00:22:26.070 --> 00:22:29.140
  • they walk in love,
  • 00:22:29.140 --> 00:22:30.250
  • but it's a process, it was a process for you.
  • 00:22:30.250 --> 00:22:34.030
  • And so, but your example, allows other people to say,
  • 00:22:34.030 --> 00:22:37.220
  • "The pain of my suffering and how I feel
  • 00:22:37.220 --> 00:22:40.110
  • I can get through this.
  • 00:22:40.110 --> 00:22:42.180
  • And there is a good resolve and there is
  • 00:22:42.180 --> 00:22:45.080
  • a happy ending as it were."
  • 00:22:45.080 --> 00:22:47.190
  • I'm still a believer in happy endings.
  • 00:22:47.190 --> 00:22:49.220
  • - Yeah. (laughter)
  • 00:22:49.220 --> 00:22:51.160
  • - [Jeannie] If I didn't forgive Phil
  • 00:22:51.160 --> 00:22:54.090
  • I would just be a total wreck, I would be bittered,
  • 00:22:54.090 --> 00:22:57.110
  • embittered, I would be hateful,
  • 00:22:57.110 --> 00:23:00.150
  • and forgiveness is more about,
  • 00:23:00.150 --> 00:23:03.120
  • in our marriage for me, forgiveness is about me.
  • 00:23:03.120 --> 00:23:08.030
  • And if I don't forgive then I can't walk freely
  • 00:23:08.030 --> 00:23:12.140
  • in my life.
  • 00:23:12.140 --> 00:23:13.200
  • So forgiveness is not as much about them
  • 00:23:13.200 --> 00:23:16.200
  • as it is about the person that needs to do the forgiving.
  • 00:23:16.200 --> 00:23:20.070
  • If I want to be free and happy and joyful,
  • 00:23:20.070 --> 00:23:23.120
  • I've got to find a way to forgive.
  • 00:23:23.120 --> 00:23:26.110
  • - [Laurie] You know Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego,
  • 00:23:27.210 --> 00:23:29.140
  • when they stepped into the fire,
  • 00:23:29.140 --> 00:23:31.250
  • the fire was their friend and the fire broke off
  • 00:23:31.250 --> 00:23:35.180
  • all the bondages,
  • 00:23:35.180 --> 00:23:37.180
  • and in the fire's where Jesus stood.
  • 00:23:37.180 --> 00:23:39.240
  • - [Rebecca] Yeah. Yes.
  • 00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:41.010
  • - [Laurie] You know, so that they could see
  • 00:23:41.010 --> 00:23:42.210
  • the glory of God.
  • 00:23:42.210 --> 00:23:45.060
  • And that's what you've provided,
  • 00:23:45.060 --> 00:23:47.170
  • for a whole lot of people.
  • 00:23:47.170 --> 00:23:49.070
  • - [Dianna] Yes, well done.
  • 00:23:49.070 --> 00:23:50.100
  • - [Laurie] You're amazing.
  • 00:23:50.100 --> 00:23:51.200
  • - [Jeannie] Glory girl. (snaps finger)
  • 00:23:51.200 --> 00:23:52.200
  • (laughter)
  • 00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:54.020
  • - [Laurie] Cheers to you.
  • 00:23:54.020 --> 00:23:55.070
  • (laughter)
  • 00:23:55.070 --> 00:23:57.240
  • - I love it.
  • 00:23:57.240 --> 00:23:58.230
  • - [Rebecca] And cheers to him.
  • 00:23:58.230 --> 00:24:00.230
  • - Yes.
  • 00:24:00.230 --> 00:24:02.060
  • - [Rebecca] Because cheers, love you too honey.
  • 00:24:02.060 --> 00:24:04.160
  • (laughter)
  • 00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:05.140
  • Because he made a choice.
  • 00:24:05.140 --> 00:24:07.210
  • And had he not, we would've had a different ending.
  • 00:24:09.030 --> 00:24:11.220
  • And I'm, I can't say that everybody,
  • 00:24:12.260 --> 00:24:16.030
  • I've met people that you know,
  • 00:24:16.030 --> 00:24:18.260
  • are like, "I wish my story had turned out that way."
  • 00:24:18.260 --> 00:24:22.000
  • And I'm thankful, I'm very thankful.
  • 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:25.240
  • To God, to my spouse,
  • 00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:29.030
  • that between me, him, and God, we fought for this.
  • 00:24:29.030 --> 00:24:33.010
  • I want to say first of all that life,
  • 00:24:34.060 --> 00:24:36.210
  • can be unfair. It really really can.
  • 00:24:36.210 --> 00:24:39.270
  • Life can hit you,
  • 00:24:39.270 --> 00:24:41.060
  • my friend Tim Story says, "Life can knock
  • 00:24:42.110 --> 00:24:44.110
  • you chonies off."
  • 00:24:44.110 --> 00:24:45.290
  • (chuckles)
  • 00:24:45.290 --> 00:24:46.270
  • And, we've all had it happen.
  • 00:24:46.270 --> 00:24:49.030
  • But I want to say to you that God is not
  • 00:24:50.090 --> 00:24:54.030
  • overwhelmed by your problem.
  • 00:24:54.030 --> 00:24:55.210
  • He's been here a long time,
  • 00:24:57.020 --> 00:24:58.180
  • and he has seen it and done it all.
  • 00:24:59.230 --> 00:25:01.110
  • And he's already got an answer for you.
  • 00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:04.230
  • It may take a while for you to see that answer,
  • 00:25:05.290 --> 00:25:09.040
  • it may take time to heal, to overcome,
  • 00:25:09.040 --> 00:25:14.040
  • but God wants you to know
  • 00:25:15.150 --> 00:25:16.240
  • that he has not abandoned you,
  • 00:25:16.240 --> 00:25:18.140
  • that he is not only with you,
  • 00:25:19.160 --> 00:25:22.120
  • but he is already several steps ahead,
  • 00:25:22.120 --> 00:25:25.130
  • waiting for you to come and join him
  • 00:25:25.130 --> 00:25:27.030
  • on this journey, of walking out,
  • 00:25:27.030 --> 00:25:30.190
  • your for better or worse right now.
  • 00:25:30.190 --> 00:25:33.050
  • So I'm gonna pray for you if you're watching,
  • 00:25:33.050 --> 00:25:35.120
  • please bow your heads and;
  • 00:25:36.180 --> 00:25:39.050
  • "Father I just thank you.
  • 00:25:40.130 --> 00:25:42.290
  • I thank you for this precious couple
  • 00:25:42.290 --> 00:25:44.220
  • that is walking through infidelity right now.
  • 00:25:44.220 --> 00:25:47.260
  • I thank you that their hearts are broken God
  • 00:25:47.260 --> 00:25:50.030
  • but they are not broken beyond repair
  • 00:25:50.030 --> 00:25:51.280
  • of what you can do.
  • 00:25:51.280 --> 00:25:53.170
  • And I ask you Jesus to search their hearts,
  • 00:25:53.170 --> 00:25:56.260
  • and to find a way
  • 00:25:56.260 --> 00:25:58.150
  • to mend the broken pieces of their lives,
  • 00:25:58.150 --> 00:26:01.090
  • and put their family back together in Jesus Name.
  • 00:26:01.090 --> 00:26:04.170
  • I ask you Lord for a woman who's going through
  • 00:26:04.170 --> 00:26:06.170
  • a trial of divorce,
  • 00:26:06.170 --> 00:26:08.040
  • whose marriage did not end with a happily ever after,
  • 00:26:09.180 --> 00:26:12.180
  • whose marriage is not the stuff of prayers and dreams,
  • 00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:16.000
  • but has been nothing but a nightmare.
  • 00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:18.140
  • God I ask you, to,
  • 00:26:18.140 --> 00:26:21.130
  • forgive her for doubting you,
  • 00:26:21.130 --> 00:26:22.280
  • and to show you that she will put her trust
  • 00:26:24.030 --> 00:26:26.000
  • in you again. That she will lean not
  • 00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:28.200
  • to her own ways anymore.
  • 00:26:28.200 --> 00:26:31.100
  • And will know that you certainly have a plan for her,
  • 00:26:31.100 --> 00:26:34.190
  • to take her to a higher place,
  • 00:26:34.190 --> 00:26:36.260
  • to give her the hope and the future
  • 00:26:36.260 --> 00:26:38.160
  • that she dreams of.
  • 00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:40.140
  • And that you will fulfill the desire of every living thing.
  • 00:26:40.140 --> 00:26:44.070
  • - You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:26:45.270 --> 00:26:48.060
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:26:48.060 --> 00:26:49.240
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:53.150
  • We love you but most importantly,
  • 00:26:53.150 --> 00:26:55.120
  • Jesus love you.
  • 00:26:55.120 --> 00:26:57.220
  • - You can stream Better Together episodes on the go.
  • 00:26:57.220 --> 00:27:01.020
  • Download the TBN App to watch
  • 00:27:01.020 --> 00:27:02.230
  • all of our latest conversation.
  • 00:27:02.230 --> 00:27:04.090
  • Here's what's coming up next on Better Together:
  • 00:27:06.140 --> 00:27:09.270
  • - [Dianna] You'll change in the process of the marriage,
  • 00:27:09.270 --> 00:27:12.180
  • you'll go through seasons
  • 00:27:12.180 --> 00:27:14.190
  • but still paying attention to him.
  • 00:27:14.190 --> 00:27:16.290
  • You know seeing that he's still in the room
  • 00:27:16.290 --> 00:27:18.250
  • he still loves you.
  • 00:27:18.250 --> 00:27:20.090
  • - Watch better together weekdays and Tuesday nights,
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  • only on TBN.
  • 00:27:23.090 --> 00:27:24.270