Expectations and Submission | Better Together | TBN

Expectations and Submission | Better Together

Watch Expectations and Submission | Better Together
November 13, 2019
27:35

Do you have expectations of how your spouse "should" behave? And what does the Bible really say about submitting to each other? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

Closed captions

Expectations and Submission | Better Together

Show timecode
Hide timecode
  • - I remember having expectations
  • 00:00:39.190 --> 00:00:43.140
  • in marriage, going into marriage.
  • 00:00:43.140 --> 00:00:45.020
  • My dad was one of my heroes,
  • 00:00:45.020 --> 00:00:46.230
  • and my dad was a builder.
  • 00:00:46.230 --> 00:00:48.290
  • And somehow when I married Phil
  • 00:00:48.290 --> 00:00:51.140
  • (laughter)
  • 00:00:51.140 --> 00:00:52.260
  • Why did we all just laugh?
  • 00:00:52.260 --> 00:00:55.010
  • (laughter)
  • 00:00:55.010 --> 00:00:57.080
  • - I'm sorry.
  • 00:00:57.080 --> 00:00:58.080
  • - [Rebecca] He's gonna fix it.
  • 00:00:59.040 --> 00:01:00.130
  • - Yep, he's the man of my dreams you know,
  • 00:01:00.130 --> 00:01:01.260
  • but when I married him,
  • 00:01:01.260 --> 00:01:03.020
  • I somehow expected him to be like my dad.
  • 00:01:03.020 --> 00:01:05.240
  • - Right.
  • 00:01:05.240 --> 00:01:07.000
  • - I just assumed that he could build,
  • 00:01:07.000 --> 00:01:09.030
  • he could fix, he could do all those things.
  • 00:01:09.030 --> 00:01:12.040
  • And I honestly, obviously,
  • 00:01:12.040 --> 00:01:14.080
  • I did not have a reality check there,
  • 00:01:14.080 --> 00:01:16.270
  • but I remember one time when the resources were really tight
  • 00:01:16.270 --> 00:01:21.200
  • and our dishwasher had broken,
  • 00:01:21.200 --> 00:01:24.160
  • and he said, hey, I'll put in a dishwasher.
  • 00:01:24.160 --> 00:01:28.010
  • and I'm thinking, yeah, you go.
  • 00:01:28.010 --> 00:01:30.090
  • And so we go out and we buy a dishwasher
  • 00:01:30.090 --> 00:01:32.280
  • and Saturday afternoon, we're pastoring now,
  • 00:01:32.280 --> 00:01:36.100
  • and Sunday we have church,
  • 00:01:36.100 --> 00:01:37.180
  • he said, I'll put this in.
  • 00:01:37.180 --> 00:01:39.060
  • First thing, he pulls the old dishwasher out
  • 00:01:39.060 --> 00:01:42.110
  • and completely destroys, we had linoleum floors,
  • 00:01:42.110 --> 00:01:46.100
  • destroys the linoleum, on the floor,
  • 00:01:46.100 --> 00:01:49.040
  • just a big old tear in the floor.
  • 00:01:49.040 --> 00:01:51.030
  • I'm thinking, okay, okay.
  • 00:01:51.030 --> 00:01:52.100
  • And I'd never seen him in action doing it,
  • 00:01:52.100 --> 00:01:54.220
  • (laughter)
  • 00:01:54.220 --> 00:01:56.100
  • so I just didn't assume there would be an issue
  • 00:01:56.100 --> 00:01:57.260
  • so the day goes on and he's trying
  • 00:01:57.260 --> 00:02:00.030
  • to install this crazy dishwasher.
  • 00:02:00.030 --> 00:02:03.100
  • Finally at one o'clock in the morning,
  • 00:02:03.100 --> 00:02:06.190
  • he says, Jeannie, come down.
  • 00:02:06.190 --> 00:02:08.170
  • and I see water is gushing.
  • 00:02:08.170 --> 00:02:11.010
  • - Oh, no. - Everywhere on floor,
  • 00:02:11.010 --> 00:02:12.270
  • he has busted a water pipe.
  • 00:02:12.270 --> 00:02:15.010
  • - Oh my goodness.
  • 00:02:15.010 --> 00:02:15.290
  • - So at 1:30 in the morning,
  • 00:02:15.290 --> 00:02:17.160
  • we have to call an emergency plumber
  • 00:02:17.160 --> 00:02:19.170
  • cause he doesn't even know how
  • 00:02:19.170 --> 00:02:21.090
  • to turn off the water - Extra money.
  • 00:02:21.090 --> 00:02:22.270
  • Oh, no. - At that point.
  • 00:02:22.270 --> 00:02:24.130
  • And so at that point it was like, something dawned on me.
  • 00:02:24.130 --> 00:02:28.080
  • He is not like your dad.
  • 00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:31.100
  • (laughter)
  • 00:02:31.100 --> 00:02:33.090
  • And you need to just pray - Ding.
  • 00:02:33.090 --> 00:02:35.110
  • - For resources to be able to get your plumbing done.
  • 00:02:35.110 --> 00:02:37.220
  • Don't ask him to do this.
  • 00:02:37.220 --> 00:02:39.140
  • But that was a reality check for me,
  • 00:02:39.140 --> 00:02:41.090
  • that he was not like my dad.
  • 00:02:41.090 --> 00:02:43.260
  • And that was an expectation I had
  • 00:02:43.260 --> 00:02:46.080
  • that was not a reality.
  • 00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:48.120
  • But there's so many other gifts
  • 00:02:48.120 --> 00:02:49.280
  • that he has that dad didn't have.
  • 00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:52.020
  • And that was an interesting, interesting season.
  • 00:02:52.020 --> 00:02:57.000
  • I think when you have high expectations,
  • 00:02:58.220 --> 00:03:00.080
  • and I did have those,
  • 00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:02.120
  • that you're constantly disappointed.
  • 00:03:02.120 --> 00:03:05.210
  • And I don't think it's wrong to have expectation,
  • 00:03:05.210 --> 00:03:09.070
  • but when your expectation becomes something that,
  • 00:03:09.070 --> 00:03:13.200
  • it breaks you or sends you to a wall of a time
  • 00:03:14.250 --> 00:03:17.080
  • because they don't perform or they don't respond
  • 00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:21.120
  • the way you expect them to respond,
  • 00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:23.150
  • then I think you're constantly disappointed.
  • 00:03:23.150 --> 00:03:25.280
  • And that's where expectations can get you in trouble.
  • 00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:29.230
  • I think we're expectant about good things
  • 00:03:29.230 --> 00:03:33.130
  • in our marriage, but I think so oftentimes
  • 00:03:33.130 --> 00:03:35.190
  • I expected him to think like I did.
  • 00:03:35.190 --> 00:03:38.100
  • That's where I was a little bit naive.
  • 00:03:38.100 --> 00:03:40.150
  • I expected us to just be agreeable
  • 00:03:40.150 --> 00:03:42.250
  • about everything and we weren't.
  • 00:03:42.250 --> 00:03:45.020
  • We were so, so different.
  • 00:03:45.020 --> 00:03:47.140
  • And even today, all these many years later,
  • 00:03:47.140 --> 00:03:49.290
  • we still think day and night different.
  • 00:03:49.290 --> 00:03:52.200
  • But we have found a way to express
  • 00:03:52.200 --> 00:03:55.290
  • our differences and we want the best for each other.
  • 00:03:55.290 --> 00:03:59.050
  • It's not about my way or his way.
  • 00:03:59.050 --> 00:04:01.030
  • It's about what's the right way for us.
  • 00:04:01.030 --> 00:04:03.100
  • And over the years, we've had to tell ourselves,
  • 00:04:03.100 --> 00:04:06.170
  • we're on the same team together.
  • 00:04:06.170 --> 00:04:09.000
  • - So we were talking last night at dinner
  • 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:10.190
  • about missing chips.
  • 00:04:10.190 --> 00:04:12.230
  • (laughter)
  • 00:04:12.230 --> 00:04:14.090
  • You know, sometimes I've looked at Matt,
  • 00:04:14.090 --> 00:04:15.240
  • and I've just thought, do you not get that at all?
  • 00:04:15.240 --> 00:04:20.010
  • Do you not get that sensitivity,
  • 00:04:20.010 --> 00:04:21.240
  • or do you not get why I don't, can't do that?
  • 00:04:21.240 --> 00:04:26.180
  • You know, like I remember when we first got married,
  • 00:04:26.180 --> 00:04:31.080
  • we were doing Real Videos, this TV show.
  • 00:04:31.080 --> 00:04:33.170
  • - Oh, I remember that. - I remember that.
  • 00:04:33.170 --> 00:04:35.230
  • - Oh, I'm sorry.
  • 00:04:35.230 --> 00:04:37.050
  • (laughter)
  • 00:04:37.050 --> 00:04:38.030
  • And we would go places
  • 00:04:38.030 --> 00:04:39.100
  • and he would break all the rules, you know?
  • 00:04:39.100 --> 00:04:41.260
  • Or he'd climb over things to get the camera
  • 00:04:41.260 --> 00:04:44.140
  • up there to get that shot,
  • 00:04:44.140 --> 00:04:46.200
  • and I'm like going, you can't do that.
  • 00:04:46.200 --> 00:04:48.140
  • They're not gonna allow us to do
  • 00:04:48.140 --> 00:04:51.000
  • and so, to me, being that rule,
  • 00:04:51.000 --> 00:04:54.010
  • follow the rule, being the perfectionist
  • 00:04:54.010 --> 00:04:56.040
  • that don't get me in trouble.
  • 00:04:56.040 --> 00:04:58.100
  • - Right.
  • 00:04:58.100 --> 00:04:59.180
  • - Don't get me in trouble, you know?
  • 00:04:59.180 --> 00:05:01.070
  • And that's a big deal in my life.
  • 00:05:01.070 --> 00:05:03.070
  • - Yes, me too. - I don't like being
  • 00:05:03.070 --> 00:05:04.070
  • in trouble. - Yes.
  • 00:05:04.070 --> 00:05:05.070
  • - And so he, having this, he did not feel that.
  • 00:05:06.190 --> 00:05:10.010
  • And I remember one day, I'm like going, you can't do that,
  • 00:05:10.010 --> 00:05:13.140
  • and I'm not coming with you if you do that.
  • 00:05:13.140 --> 00:05:15.260
  • That's breaking the, that's trespassing,
  • 00:05:15.260 --> 00:05:18.280
  • or that's, we can't climb up on that thing.
  • 00:05:18.280 --> 00:05:22.050
  • And him looking, and he goes,
  • 00:05:22.050 --> 00:05:24.040
  • Well, we'll just ask somebody.
  • 00:05:24.040 --> 00:05:25.290
  • And I'm just going nuts.
  • 00:05:25.290 --> 00:05:27.190
  • And he finally just looks at me and he goes,
  • 00:05:27.190 --> 00:05:29.160
  • All they can say is no.
  • 00:05:29.160 --> 00:05:30.240
  • And it was like no big deal
  • 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:33.140
  • if somebody came and said,
  • 00:05:33.140 --> 00:05:34.170
  • Hey, you got to get off of that.
  • 00:05:34.170 --> 00:05:35.290
  • You've gotta come down here.
  • 00:05:35.290 --> 00:05:37.290
  • I would have just been, ahh...
  • 00:05:37.290 --> 00:05:39.290
  • but Matt was like, okay.
  • 00:05:39.290 --> 00:05:41.150
  • You know, no sweat.
  • 00:05:41.150 --> 00:05:43.050
  • And just those missing pieces of feeling, and
  • 00:05:43.050 --> 00:05:47.250
  • - And he called you into adventure, right?
  • 00:05:49.000 --> 00:05:50.000
  • - Yes, he did.
  • 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:51.190
  • (laughter)
  • 00:05:51.190 --> 00:05:53.110
  • - Yes, my husband is like made of the same fiber.
  • 00:05:53.110 --> 00:05:55.160
  • - Yeah?
  • 00:05:55.160 --> 00:05:56.110
  • - And he's the same way.
  • 00:05:56.110 --> 00:05:57.210
  • If we're in New York City,
  • 00:05:57.210 --> 00:05:58.190
  • I still stop at the stop light.
  • 00:05:58.190 --> 00:05:59.290
  • I still not move when the little man,
  • 00:05:59.290 --> 00:06:02.230
  • it says move, you know?
  • 00:06:02.230 --> 00:06:04.090
  • I just don't do, like if it
  • 00:06:04.090 --> 00:06:06.240
  • - Just go.
  • 00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:07.290
  • - If it says go, then I'll go,
  • 00:06:07.290 --> 00:06:09.050
  • but if it says stop, then I'll stop.
  • 00:06:09.050 --> 00:06:10.090
  • My husband just keeps walking.
  • 00:06:10.090 --> 00:06:12.030
  • And he's like, oh, everybody's doing it.
  • 00:06:12.030 --> 00:06:13.190
  • I'm like, I'm not like everybody else.
  • 00:06:13.190 --> 00:06:15.110
  • (laughter)
  • 00:06:15.110 --> 00:06:16.190
  • So follow the rules!
  • 00:06:16.190 --> 00:06:17.260
  • And I guess it's just in my nature.
  • 00:06:17.260 --> 00:06:19.280
  • It's like, follow the rules.
  • 00:06:19.280 --> 00:06:21.120
  • But if you are doing something
  • 00:06:21.120 --> 00:06:22.280
  • that I'm obligated to go with you,
  • 00:06:22.280 --> 00:06:25.230
  • then it's almost like a violation within me, my own mindset,
  • 00:06:25.230 --> 00:06:30.190
  • but for him it's like it's a sense of, well, why not?
  • 00:06:30.190 --> 00:06:35.160
  • It's like, why not, Dianna?
  • 00:06:35.160 --> 00:06:37.000
  • You get bent of shape by these things.
  • 00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:39.230
  • It's an expectation, you know?
  • 00:06:39.230 --> 00:06:42.040
  • - So those little things can be huge.
  • 00:06:42.040 --> 00:06:45.000
  • - They become big things.
  • 00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:46.100
  • - So in his world of adventure,
  • 00:06:47.150 --> 00:06:51.140
  • you know, beautiful chaos at times,
  • 00:06:51.140 --> 00:06:54.020
  • I kinda set the boundaries of, you know,
  • 00:06:55.050 --> 00:06:58.220
  • not rules, but security, safety for our family.
  • 00:06:58.220 --> 00:07:03.010
  • So both of our personalities,
  • 00:07:03.010 --> 00:07:05.060
  • me being the rule-abiding kind of girl,
  • 00:07:05.060 --> 00:07:08.120
  • to him being the adventurous side,
  • 00:07:08.120 --> 00:07:10.110
  • now marrying the two, I could see
  • 00:07:10.110 --> 00:07:12.120
  • that it fit our worlds perfectly.
  • 00:07:12.120 --> 00:07:14.210
  • Our worlds became one.
  • 00:07:14.210 --> 00:07:16.060
  • And I could take his risk taking,
  • 00:07:17.210 --> 00:07:19.160
  • and he would take me along in the adventures,
  • 00:07:19.160 --> 00:07:22.010
  • but at the same time, I get to slow him down long enough
  • 00:07:22.010 --> 00:07:25.030
  • where he enjoys life, if I could put it that way.
  • 00:07:25.030 --> 00:07:28.060
  • So it's just embracing each other as that,
  • 00:07:28.060 --> 00:07:31.010
  • you know, things and qualities in your partner
  • 00:07:31.010 --> 00:07:33.100
  • or in your spouse,
  • 00:07:33.100 --> 00:07:35.090
  • they're qualities that make them who they are.
  • 00:07:35.090 --> 00:07:38.140
  • Don't try to quench that.
  • 00:07:38.140 --> 00:07:39.290
  • Don't try to drive that out.
  • 00:07:39.290 --> 00:07:41.250
  • It makes them who they are.
  • 00:07:41.250 --> 00:07:43.230
  • You know, build upon that.
  • 00:07:43.230 --> 00:07:45.220
  • You know, give some parameters to that.
  • 00:07:45.220 --> 00:07:48.080
  • Flesh it out even a bit more.
  • 00:07:49.050 --> 00:07:51.150
  • Give it some range, give it some stability.
  • 00:07:51.150 --> 00:07:54.020
  • And for some of you that are a little more stable
  • 00:07:54.020 --> 00:07:56.030
  • and you don't like a lot of adventure,
  • 00:07:56.030 --> 00:07:58.170
  • you know, loosen up a little bit, you know?
  • 00:07:58.170 --> 00:08:01.200
  • Wear some spandex, be flexible you know?
  • 00:08:01.200 --> 00:08:04.090
  • Because oftentimes we need that as well.
  • 00:08:05.280 --> 00:08:08.280
  • - When you're married to someone
  • 00:08:08.280 --> 00:08:10.160
  • who is a visionary, he's a risk taker,
  • 00:08:11.210 --> 00:08:14.000
  • I used to say all the time,
  • 00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:15.170
  • My husband jumps off the cliff,
  • 00:08:15.170 --> 00:08:17.210
  • thank God I measure the drop,
  • 00:08:17.210 --> 00:08:19.160
  • (laughter)
  • 00:08:19.160 --> 00:08:20.270
  • Because it's him and me and the five kids
  • 00:08:20.270 --> 00:08:24.230
  • (screaming) over the edge.
  • 00:08:24.230 --> 00:08:27.080
  • And we have landed on our heads.
  • 00:08:27.080 --> 00:08:29.160
  • Not everything we've attempted has succeeded you know?
  • 00:08:29.160 --> 00:08:33.070
  • And I'm going, did you count the cost of that investment?
  • 00:08:33.070 --> 00:08:37.090
  • Did you look at all the specs and the stats?
  • 00:08:37.090 --> 00:08:40.120
  • You know, I'm all about calculated risk.
  • 00:08:40.120 --> 00:08:42.190
  • - Yes.
  • 00:08:42.190 --> 00:08:43.170
  • - But in my husband's defense,
  • 00:08:43.170 --> 00:08:46.140
  • with all his cliff diving,
  • 00:08:46.140 --> 00:08:48.290
  • when he succeeds, he succeeds big.
  • 00:08:48.290 --> 00:08:52.130
  • And I'll be honest, you know, I've seen it,
  • 00:08:53.280 --> 00:08:56.130
  • there have been some things
  • 00:08:56.130 --> 00:08:57.120
  • that I thought, oh my god,
  • 00:08:57.120 --> 00:08:58.270
  • we are selling the farm on this idea,
  • 00:08:58.270 --> 00:09:01.250
  • and why are we doing this?
  • 00:09:01.250 --> 00:09:03.130
  • And oh my god, and I'm just
  • 00:09:03.130 --> 00:09:05.000
  • like holding onto the rope, you know?
  • 00:09:06.180 --> 00:09:09.280
  • And though the initial, and this is important,
  • 00:09:09.280 --> 00:09:13.070
  • the initial investment in this particular situation
  • 00:09:13.070 --> 00:09:17.080
  • did not yield any return
  • 00:09:17.080 --> 00:09:19.070
  • for easily three years, okay?
  • 00:09:20.160 --> 00:09:23.280
  • And it was big investment.
  • 00:09:23.280 --> 00:09:25.030
  • I mean, like we emptied our bank accounts
  • 00:09:25.030 --> 00:09:26.250
  • to go after this thing.
  • 00:09:26.250 --> 00:09:28.080
  • But by the time it was said and done,
  • 00:09:29.180 --> 00:09:31.070
  • the relationships that came out of this investment
  • 00:09:31.070 --> 00:09:35.070
  • did produce a return and are still producing a return,
  • 00:09:36.200 --> 00:09:39.160
  • and will probably produce a return for us the next 20 years.
  • 00:09:39.160 --> 00:09:43.080
  • So the seed that went in the ground,
  • 00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:46.150
  • the tree that came up looked a little different,
  • 00:09:46.150 --> 00:09:48.270
  • but it has produced something
  • 00:09:50.200 --> 00:09:53.230
  • that has like a much more lasting effect.
  • 00:09:53.230 --> 00:09:58.000
  • I've had to learn to be less chicken
  • 00:09:58.000 --> 00:10:00.210
  • about my own pursuits because yes,
  • 00:10:00.210 --> 00:10:03.230
  • he failed hard several times, got back up, tried again,
  • 00:10:03.230 --> 00:10:08.020
  • or tried another thing,
  • 00:10:08.020 --> 00:10:10.060
  • but the things he succeeded at,
  • 00:10:10.060 --> 00:10:12.200
  • took off like crazy and I was like,
  • 00:10:12.200 --> 00:10:16.090
  • okay Jesus, here we go
  • 00:10:16.090 --> 00:10:18.100
  • (laughter)
  • 00:10:18.100 --> 00:10:20.180
  • - So what do you do in times like that?
  • 00:10:23.050 --> 00:10:24.250
  • - We pray.
  • 00:10:24.250 --> 00:10:26.050
  • - Yes, pray like Lord catch him, catch him.
  • 00:10:26.050 --> 00:10:29.290
  • - But I think its recognizing okay,
  • 00:10:31.050 --> 00:10:33.050
  • we're bringing two different worlds together,
  • 00:10:33.050 --> 00:10:36.080
  • two different families of origin,
  • 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:38.080
  • two different sort of underlying assumptions
  • 00:10:38.080 --> 00:10:40.170
  • of what life should look like
  • 00:10:40.170 --> 00:10:42.010
  • and they can clash at times and that's where
  • 00:10:43.070 --> 00:10:45.070
  • the communication is so important
  • 00:10:45.070 --> 00:10:47.280
  • where you're talking about well, this is how I grew up
  • 00:10:47.280 --> 00:10:50.270
  • and this is how I'm wired
  • 00:10:50.270 --> 00:10:53.170
  • and that there's a desire to understand the other person.
  • 00:10:53.170 --> 00:10:58.170
  • - When we've gone through hard times,
  • 00:10:59.220 --> 00:11:01.080
  • when we've had conflicts maybe not internal but external
  • 00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:06.000
  • as well, we have fought together, we have come together.
  • 00:11:06.000 --> 00:11:10.280
  • That's probably been one of our greatest gifts
  • 00:11:10.280 --> 00:11:12.280
  • that we haven't turned around and shunned each other out
  • 00:11:12.280 --> 00:11:17.150
  • but man, we go together
  • 00:11:17.150 --> 00:11:19.140
  • and that's just, it's just been a natural thing
  • 00:11:21.090 --> 00:11:23.290
  • for us to do that and I think that togetherness
  • 00:11:23.290 --> 00:11:27.280
  • where he can be down, all of a sudden I'm up
  • 00:11:27.280 --> 00:11:31.020
  • and I'm the fighter and vice versa when I'm weak,
  • 00:11:31.020 --> 00:11:35.100
  • he is strong and vice versa and I just think that's the way,
  • 00:11:35.100 --> 00:11:40.070
  • I think that's the way to go.
  • 00:11:41.030 --> 00:11:43.030
  • Cling together.
  • 00:11:43.030 --> 00:11:44.140
  • Don't turn away from each other.
  • 00:11:44.140 --> 00:11:46.170
  • Talk it out, get together, stay strong together.
  • 00:11:46.170 --> 00:11:50.220
  • - At Better Together, we don't just do TV,
  • 00:11:52.100 --> 00:11:54.140
  • we do life together.
  • 00:11:54.140 --> 00:11:56.070
  • - And we love the way our social media community
  • 00:11:56.070 --> 00:11:58.190
  • encourages and supports each other.
  • 00:11:58.190 --> 00:12:00.270
  • - Follow us at Better Together TV
  • 00:12:00.270 --> 00:12:03.120
  • to make friends with women around the world
  • 00:12:03.120 --> 00:12:05.220
  • and lets get
  • 00:12:05.220 --> 00:12:07.020
  • - [Group] Better Together
  • 00:12:07.020 --> 00:12:08.090
  • - Submission is a big topic.
  • 00:12:10.240 --> 00:12:12.220
  • I don't know if we wanna go there.
  • 00:12:12.220 --> 00:12:13.250
  • - Yeah, lets go there.
  • 00:12:13.250 --> 00:12:15.100
  • - If we look at some research on men who are willing to be
  • 00:12:15.100 --> 00:12:18.020
  • influenced by their wife, willing to listen to her opinion,
  • 00:12:18.020 --> 00:12:23.020
  • as long as she's not criticizing,
  • 00:12:25.080 --> 00:12:26.270
  • actually have happier marriages than those who are like
  • 00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:31.060
  • nope, we're just doing it my way.
  • 00:12:31.060 --> 00:12:33.100
  • And so while submission is important
  • 00:12:33.100 --> 00:12:35.090
  • and we can talk about healthy submission,
  • 00:12:35.090 --> 00:12:37.150
  • what that looks like,
  • 00:12:37.150 --> 00:12:38.290
  • I think its when men are willing to have that influence
  • 00:12:38.290 --> 00:12:43.180
  • - Well, the Bible does say submit yourselves
  • 00:12:44.240 --> 00:12:46.040
  • one to another.
  • 00:12:46.040 --> 00:12:47.000
  • - That's right - Yes
  • 00:12:47.000 --> 00:12:47.290
  • - One to another.
  • 00:12:49.000 --> 00:12:50.140
  • - We don't quote that part.
  • 00:12:50.140 --> 00:12:51.180
  • We stop here,
  • 00:12:51.180 --> 00:12:53.080
  • wives submit,
  • 00:12:53.080 --> 00:12:54.280
  • but keep reading please hallelujah
  • 00:12:54.280 --> 00:12:57.020
  • (laughter)
  • 00:12:57.020 --> 00:12:58.170
  • God told Abraham to listen to Sarah right?
  • 00:12:58.170 --> 00:13:02.190
  • On that one, God is on the side of whose right.
  • 00:13:02.190 --> 00:13:05.050
  • - Yeah
  • 00:13:05.050 --> 00:13:06.190
  • - So we think of submission as you don't have a say
  • 00:13:06.190 --> 00:13:08.020
  • you just do whatever I tell you to do
  • 00:13:08.020 --> 00:13:10.150
  • but the Greek word for submission
  • 00:13:10.150 --> 00:13:13.010
  • means to get under and to lift up
  • 00:13:13.010 --> 00:13:15.230
  • - Wow
  • 00:13:15.230 --> 00:13:17.050
  • - And to put in order, a voluntary attitude of giving in
  • 00:13:17.050 --> 00:13:21.070
  • to giving, cooperating, assuming responsibility
  • 00:13:21.070 --> 00:13:26.010
  • and carrying a burden so it's that help mate
  • 00:13:26.010 --> 00:13:29.280
  • - Yes
  • 00:13:29.280 --> 00:13:30.220
  • - Its that lifting up, it's that
  • 00:13:31.260 --> 00:13:32.200
  • and we've used it in such a
  • 00:13:33.220 --> 00:13:35.000
  • and it has been used in a terrible context.
  • 00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:38.000
  • - You know, we laugh about the word submission
  • 00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:40.000
  • because you know in the early days its like
  • 00:13:40.000 --> 00:13:42.090
  • you know, you gotta submit to me, submit to me
  • 00:13:42.090 --> 00:13:44.210
  • and then I found a scripture
  • 00:13:44.210 --> 00:13:47.020
  • the Bible says to submit to one another
  • 00:13:47.020 --> 00:13:48.290
  • and he said this is the way we look at submission
  • 00:13:48.290 --> 00:13:52.120
  • honey, you're supposed to submit to me
  • 00:13:52.120 --> 00:13:54.160
  • this is what he says to me
  • 00:13:54.160 --> 00:13:56.030
  • you're supposed to submit to me
  • 00:13:56.030 --> 00:13:57.240
  • now go in the bedroom right now
  • 00:13:57.240 --> 00:13:59.020
  • (laughter)
  • 00:13:59.020 --> 00:14:00.110
  • and I say to him, yes you're right
  • 00:14:00.110 --> 00:14:02.060
  • I will go in the bedroom,
  • 00:14:02.060 --> 00:14:03.160
  • but the Bible says you're to submit to me
  • 00:14:03.160 --> 00:14:05.210
  • so now you go get on the couch.
  • 00:14:05.210 --> 00:14:07.160
  • (laughter)
  • 00:14:07.160 --> 00:14:09.190
  • So submission doesn't work
  • 00:14:09.190 --> 00:14:11.210
  • unless you find agreement together.
  • 00:14:11.210 --> 00:14:14.250
  • - So, Ephesians 5:22 says to wives
  • 00:14:14.250 --> 00:14:18.140
  • submit to your husband in obedience to God
  • 00:14:18.140 --> 00:14:21.070
  • and I think it's really important as women
  • 00:14:21.070 --> 00:14:23.010
  • that we recognize that our submission to our husband
  • 00:14:23.010 --> 00:14:27.030
  • is actually in obedience to God
  • 00:14:27.030 --> 00:14:28.210
  • that yes, we're doing in out of love for our husband
  • 00:14:28.210 --> 00:14:31.070
  • but also out of love for God
  • 00:14:31.070 --> 00:14:33.210
  • and I love the Amplified version
  • 00:14:33.210 --> 00:14:35.080
  • it says with submission that it means to be honoring
  • 00:14:35.080 --> 00:14:40.000
  • to her husband as protector and head of the home
  • 00:14:40.000 --> 00:14:43.050
  • respecting the responsibility of his position
  • 00:14:43.050 --> 00:14:46.090
  • and his accountability to God
  • 00:14:46.090 --> 00:14:48.220
  • and so it's really honoring that leadership role
  • 00:14:50.020 --> 00:14:51.290
  • that he has in the home.
  • 00:14:51.290 --> 00:14:54.020
  • It doesn't mean that we don't have a voice
  • 00:14:54.020 --> 00:14:56.100
  • so we certainly come together,
  • 00:14:56.100 --> 00:14:58.200
  • we discuss topics together,
  • 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:00.250
  • there's an influence that we can have
  • 00:15:00.250 --> 00:15:03.070
  • within the conversation but I think it's important
  • 00:15:03.070 --> 00:15:07.120
  • that we recognize that submission doesn't mean that
  • 00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:10.120
  • I let go of my opinion or that I don't have an opinion
  • 00:15:11.250 --> 00:15:14.040
  • that I just do anything that he says
  • 00:15:14.040 --> 00:15:16.190
  • or that I put myself in harms way.
  • 00:15:16.190 --> 00:15:18.290
  • No, we need to certainly be safe
  • 00:15:18.290 --> 00:15:21.190
  • and have good boundaries to keep ourselves
  • 00:15:22.220 --> 00:15:25.100
  • safe within marriage.
  • 00:15:25.100 --> 00:15:28.160
  • - You know, in our Western context
  • 00:15:28.160 --> 00:15:30.090
  • when we think of submission,
  • 00:15:30.090 --> 00:15:31.170
  • it has such a negative connotation to it
  • 00:15:31.170 --> 00:15:34.020
  • - Yes
  • 00:15:34.020 --> 00:15:35.080
  • - And especially when the majority of
  • 00:15:35.080 --> 00:15:37.060
  • you know, some of the teachings that have been
  • 00:15:37.060 --> 00:15:39.260
  • derived out of that and misused that
  • 00:15:39.260 --> 00:15:42.040
  • comes from a different part of the country
  • 00:15:42.040 --> 00:15:44.000
  • where you know, a lot of our curriculum
  • 00:15:44.000 --> 00:15:46.120
  • all of that comes from you know,
  • 00:15:46.120 --> 00:15:49.010
  • either racism or looking at women as the lesser partner
  • 00:15:49.010 --> 00:15:53.080
  • of the relationship
  • 00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:54.250
  • and if we're not careful, overall globally
  • 00:15:54.250 --> 00:15:57.010
  • there's not that same opinion
  • 00:15:57.010 --> 00:15:59.180
  • but only in the Western world we have that opinion
  • 00:15:59.180 --> 00:16:03.140
  • looking at the women as the one who is only submitting
  • 00:16:03.140 --> 00:16:06.160
  • but really in the scripture it says
  • 00:16:06.160 --> 00:16:08.290
  • both submit to one another which is key
  • 00:16:08.290 --> 00:16:11.250
  • and I love that you said that
  • 00:16:11.250 --> 00:16:13.120
  • because in the scriptures when it says to yield
  • 00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:16.130
  • to one another it's the woman is coming alongside
  • 00:16:16.130 --> 00:16:19.150
  • but also, the men coming alongside
  • 00:16:19.150 --> 00:16:22.020
  • and so when you're both in that relationship
  • 00:16:22.020 --> 00:16:25.090
  • of coming alongside and lifting the other up
  • 00:16:25.090 --> 00:16:28.080
  • we could take a look at the triune being of God
  • 00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:31.160
  • which is God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit
  • 00:16:31.160 --> 00:16:35.140
  • and it's never linear thinking where it's God the Father
  • 00:16:35.140 --> 00:16:39.040
  • God the Son
  • 00:16:39.040 --> 00:16:39.280
  • God the Holy Spirit
  • 00:16:39.280 --> 00:16:41.050
  • it is more like a circular model.
  • 00:16:41.050 --> 00:16:44.030
  • - God the Father will always give honor to the Son
  • 00:16:44.030 --> 00:16:47.090
  • and the Son will always give honor to the Holy Spirit
  • 00:16:47.090 --> 00:16:50.080
  • and the Holy Spirit will always honor the Father
  • 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:53.120
  • and its this endless circle that keeps preferring
  • 00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:57.100
  • preferring one another, honoring the other
  • 00:16:57.100 --> 00:16:59.290
  • and it's this ongoing service and servant hood
  • 00:16:59.290 --> 00:17:04.130
  • and this you know, just this honoring circle
  • 00:17:04.130 --> 00:17:07.280
  • and that's what the marriage exemplifies.
  • 00:17:07.280 --> 00:17:11.010
  • It's submitting to one another
  • 00:17:11.010 --> 00:17:13.110
  • honoring to one another
  • 00:17:13.110 --> 00:17:15.190
  • and so you prefer the other one over yourself.
  • 00:17:15.190 --> 00:17:18.150
  • You honor the other over yourself
  • 00:17:18.150 --> 00:17:21.010
  • and if the triune being of God is just that,
  • 00:17:21.010 --> 00:17:24.110
  • that's what submission is in the marriage.
  • 00:17:24.110 --> 00:17:27.270
  • So when it comes to submission I don't thing that way
  • 00:17:27.270 --> 00:17:32.020
  • as most people think in Christian circles
  • 00:17:32.020 --> 00:17:35.260
  • or conversations, even literature and curriculum,
  • 00:17:35.260 --> 00:17:39.000
  • we have such a bad model of previous, what that used
  • 00:17:39.000 --> 00:17:43.020
  • to be like but I feel like today,
  • 00:17:43.020 --> 00:17:46.020
  • it's more of a redemptive model.
  • 00:17:46.020 --> 00:17:47.290
  • It's honoring, preferring, it's outdoing, out serving,
  • 00:17:47.290 --> 00:17:51.090
  • it's giving to each other and you see that
  • 00:17:51.090 --> 00:17:54.260
  • in a thriving redemptive marriage,
  • 00:17:54.260 --> 00:17:57.030
  • you will always see the woman elevate the man
  • 00:17:57.030 --> 00:17:59.240
  • but also the man elevating the woman
  • 00:17:59.240 --> 00:18:02.040
  • and it's this ongoing celebration, yes, always, always.
  • 00:18:02.040 --> 00:18:06.100
  • - And there's such favor that comes to one another.
  • 00:18:06.100 --> 00:18:08.290
  • - Yes
  • 00:18:08.290 --> 00:18:10.130
  • - It's like the oil of favor comes when you do that.
  • 00:18:10.130 --> 00:18:13.090
  • You're preferring one another and the one thing I think
  • 00:18:13.090 --> 00:18:16.040
  • is really key in marriage is walking humbly
  • 00:18:16.040 --> 00:18:18.240
  • before one another
  • 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:19.190
  • - Right - Yes
  • 00:18:19.190 --> 00:18:21.090
  • - You know, when one comes before the other
  • 00:18:21.090 --> 00:18:23.090
  • and they walk in humility, I'm sorry,
  • 00:18:23.090 --> 00:18:25.240
  • then the other, if there's been a wrong
  • 00:18:25.240 --> 00:18:28.280
  • yes, maybe there's a wrong, but you know what?
  • 00:18:28.280 --> 00:18:31.090
  • Walk in humility back towards that individual.
  • 00:18:31.090 --> 00:18:34.110
  • It takes the friction, it's like the oil of the Holy Spirit
  • 00:18:34.110 --> 00:18:38.040
  • comes and anoints those moments.
  • 00:18:38.040 --> 00:18:41.170
  • - I always say that no matter how much my husband and I
  • 00:18:41.170 --> 00:18:44.220
  • argue, I know that he still loves me because he has proven
  • 00:18:44.220 --> 00:18:48.180
  • that to me over the years.
  • 00:18:48.180 --> 00:18:50.170
  • One of the things that we have never been good at
  • 00:18:50.170 --> 00:18:54.280
  • is always saying I'm sorry in the right way okay?
  • 00:18:54.280 --> 00:18:58.160
  • I was a pretty good apologizer.
  • 00:18:59.120 --> 00:19:01.090
  • I would take responsibility for my part
  • 00:19:01.090 --> 00:19:03.070
  • but then I'd be waiting for him to be like
  • 00:19:03.070 --> 00:19:06.040
  • I'm sorry too and he wouldn't always do that.
  • 00:19:06.040 --> 00:19:08.210
  • Id be like well, aren't you sorry?
  • 00:19:08.210 --> 00:19:10.010
  • Well is this an apology or is it not an apology?
  • 00:19:10.010 --> 00:19:12.130
  • Well, I guess it's not an apology
  • 00:19:12.130 --> 00:19:14.040
  • cause you're supposed to say you're sorry too
  • 00:19:14.040 --> 00:19:16.160
  • and then that would go on and on
  • 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:18.040
  • but what we do is we communicate non-verbally
  • 00:19:19.100 --> 00:19:23.150
  • so there's this little pattern we would have where
  • 00:19:23.150 --> 00:19:27.250
  • even if we had a blow out
  • 00:19:27.250 --> 00:19:30.230
  • when we would come to bed, which by the way,
  • 00:19:32.060 --> 00:19:34.210
  • there have been very few times that I ever like
  • 00:19:34.210 --> 00:19:37.110
  • slept in another room or slept in another...
  • 00:19:37.110 --> 00:19:40.110
  • I don't think I've ever slept in, well,
  • 00:19:40.110 --> 00:19:41.190
  • one time, I went to a hotel, twice maybe,
  • 00:19:41.190 --> 00:19:44.260
  • we had this habit of in some way touching each other
  • 00:19:46.270 --> 00:19:51.270
  • under the covers and that was as much of an apology
  • 00:19:53.110 --> 00:19:57.090
  • as anything so I would be in the bed and I would feel
  • 00:19:57.090 --> 00:20:00.230
  • his little leg slide over and he'd put his ankle
  • 00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:04.160
  • across my ankle and then I'd put my hand on his hand
  • 00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:09.160
  • we wouldn't talk, we wouldn't even turn our heads
  • 00:20:10.260 --> 00:20:13.190
  • toward each other, but that was I still got ya.
  • 00:20:13.190 --> 00:20:18.190
  • I can remember having a warped view of submission
  • 00:20:20.020 --> 00:20:22.200
  • to where I became a bit of a Christian doormat.
  • 00:20:22.200 --> 00:20:25.110
  • - Right.
  • 00:20:25.110 --> 00:20:26.180
  • - So I went from Miss ERA you know, I'm woman,
  • 00:20:26.180 --> 00:20:28.250
  • hear me roar, to yes sir, no sir, I got you you know
  • 00:20:28.250 --> 00:20:33.170
  • and not speaking up enough
  • 00:20:35.190 --> 00:20:37.240
  • so I was on the ditch on one side
  • 00:20:37.240 --> 00:20:39.180
  • and in the ditch on the other
  • 00:20:39.180 --> 00:20:41.050
  • and not speaking up enough
  • 00:20:41.050 --> 00:20:43.110
  • I tolerated things
  • 00:20:43.110 --> 00:20:45.260
  • I over apologized, I took too much responsibility
  • 00:20:45.260 --> 00:20:50.080
  • probably coddled my husbands behavior hoping
  • 00:20:50.080 --> 00:20:54.220
  • that he would just be convicted and just repent
  • 00:20:54.220 --> 00:20:58.020
  • and I don't think that that was healthy
  • 00:20:59.290 --> 00:21:02.250
  • - Right
  • 00:21:02.250 --> 00:21:04.110
  • - So my solution has been to seek the Lord about timing.
  • 00:21:04.110 --> 00:21:08.160
  • - Yeah
  • 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:09.140
  • - And to say Lord I need to,
  • 00:21:09.140 --> 00:21:12.010
  • can I say that?
  • 00:21:12.010 --> 00:21:13.210
  • And he, wait, and God will set us up
  • 00:21:13.210 --> 00:21:17.280
  • so that there's an open field
  • 00:21:17.280 --> 00:21:20.080
  • for me to say what I want to say
  • 00:21:20.080 --> 00:21:23.040
  • and then I get this wonderful response
  • 00:21:23.040 --> 00:21:26.170
  • or I get this humility or repentance or I understand
  • 00:21:26.170 --> 00:21:31.160
  • when I let God prepare the field
  • 00:21:31.160 --> 00:21:34.280
  • and then the conflict is like oh, it's over,
  • 00:21:34.280 --> 00:21:37.280
  • it's done, whereas, I'm fuming in the kitchen
  • 00:21:37.280 --> 00:21:42.030
  • and I'm gonna tell him a thing or two you know
  • 00:21:42.030 --> 00:21:45.000
  • and I've got it all rehearsed
  • 00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:47.190
  • and I know he's gonna say this and I'm gonna say that
  • 00:21:47.190 --> 00:21:50.240
  • and then I'm gonna say this and you know
  • 00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:53.030
  • all in the flesh.
  • 00:21:53.030 --> 00:21:54.280
  • - Same story for me.
  • 00:21:54.280 --> 00:21:57.130
  • I had a wrong view of submission,
  • 00:21:57.130 --> 00:22:00.130
  • had a wrong example of submission,
  • 00:22:00.130 --> 00:22:02.130
  • what that looked like
  • 00:22:02.130 --> 00:22:03.280
  • and the Lord had to do a lot of detox in my own life of
  • 00:22:03.280 --> 00:22:08.070
  • okay, who is Diana?
  • 00:22:08.070 --> 00:22:09.290
  • You have to speak up at some point
  • 00:22:09.290 --> 00:22:11.190
  • because they're speaking for you
  • 00:22:11.190 --> 00:22:13.180
  • and they're assuming that you think a certain way
  • 00:22:13.180 --> 00:22:15.280
  • that you act a certain way
  • 00:22:15.280 --> 00:22:17.170
  • that you have a certain opinion.
  • 00:22:17.170 --> 00:22:19.110
  • You are a person so I had to really find my range
  • 00:22:19.110 --> 00:22:24.110
  • in my voice and you know, offer my opinion
  • 00:22:25.170 --> 00:22:28.070
  • but not always offer it you know like
  • 00:22:28.070 --> 00:22:30.120
  • not every opportunity is a good opportunity
  • 00:22:30.120 --> 00:22:33.100
  • you know, finding my identity as a mom
  • 00:22:33.100 --> 00:22:37.140
  • as a woman, as a wife in the context of my own marriage
  • 00:22:37.140 --> 00:22:42.100
  • so and not losing my identity,
  • 00:22:42.100 --> 00:22:44.270
  • not losing myself,
  • 00:22:44.270 --> 00:22:46.120
  • not losing like I had an opinion,
  • 00:22:46.120 --> 00:22:49.020
  • I'm an individual.
  • 00:22:49.020 --> 00:22:50.100
  • - Right.
  • 00:22:50.100 --> 00:22:51.080
  • That reminds me of a story,
  • 00:22:51.080 --> 00:22:53.060
  • you know, I have a lot of stories.
  • 00:22:53.060 --> 00:22:55.290
  • - We like them all.
  • 00:22:55.290 --> 00:22:56.240
  • - I know
  • 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:58.020
  • - When Phil and I were first married
  • 00:22:58.020 --> 00:23:01.130
  • he came from ministry and I did not.
  • 00:23:01.130 --> 00:23:05.050
  • My father was a business man
  • 00:23:05.050 --> 00:23:06.240
  • and so I was raised to kinda speak your mind,
  • 00:23:08.000 --> 00:23:11.030
  • be honest, be kind, but speak your mind
  • 00:23:11.030 --> 00:23:13.100
  • and you know, I didn't have a lot of flowery talk
  • 00:23:13.100 --> 00:23:16.180
  • I just you know,
  • 00:23:16.180 --> 00:23:18.080
  • and when we would travel and we would go places,
  • 00:23:18.080 --> 00:23:21.070
  • I would make him very nervous
  • 00:23:21.070 --> 00:23:23.200
  • about, he was concerned about what I was gonna say
  • 00:23:23.200 --> 00:23:26.100
  • because he was always and still is very diplomatic
  • 00:23:26.100 --> 00:23:30.250
  • and he's very kind, it just oozes from who he is
  • 00:23:30.250 --> 00:23:34.290
  • even now all these years later
  • 00:23:34.290 --> 00:23:36.140
  • and I remember I would get ready to say something
  • 00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:39.210
  • and I could see him just kinda go into the alert mode
  • 00:23:39.210 --> 00:23:43.230
  • (laughter)
  • 00:23:43.230 --> 00:23:44.190
  • - Straighten up
  • 00:23:44.190 --> 00:23:45.260
  • - Yeah, he'd straighten up and he'd like a dog
  • 00:23:45.260 --> 00:23:48.160
  • he was not a dog, but you know how a dog
  • 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:50.140
  • kinda perks up their ears?
  • 00:23:50.140 --> 00:23:51.250
  • And then he would move his feet
  • 00:23:52.260 --> 00:23:55.010
  • and he would begin to if I said something that he didn't
  • 00:23:55.010 --> 00:23:58.110
  • think was right, he would kick me under the table.
  • 00:23:58.110 --> 00:23:59.170
  • (laughter)
  • 00:23:59.170 --> 00:24:01.070
  • And I remember I became so irritated with that.
  • 00:24:01.070 --> 00:24:05.050
  • It really messed with me but I thought
  • 00:24:05.050 --> 00:24:07.190
  • this is not right you know
  • 00:24:07.190 --> 00:24:09.270
  • and I remember one time in particular, we were somewhere,
  • 00:24:09.270 --> 00:24:12.210
  • I still see the image, the scene in my mind
  • 00:24:12.210 --> 00:24:16.020
  • and I begin to say something and I could see him
  • 00:24:17.120 --> 00:24:19.210
  • just like this and I thought,
  • 00:24:19.210 --> 00:24:21.000
  • he's getting ready to kick me again
  • 00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:22.140
  • (laughter)
  • 00:24:22.140 --> 00:24:23.200
  • so I moved my feet out of the way
  • 00:24:23.200 --> 00:24:25.100
  • and he kept trying to reach and little by little
  • 00:24:26.220 --> 00:24:30.090
  • he was like kinda sliding under the table
  • 00:24:30.090 --> 00:24:32.050
  • and the couple that we were with they said
  • 00:24:32.050 --> 00:24:34.200
  • is everything okay?
  • 00:24:34.200 --> 00:24:35.280
  • And he goes oh yeah, everything is okay
  • 00:24:35.280 --> 00:24:39.010
  • and when we got off by ourselves
  • 00:24:39.010 --> 00:24:40.170
  • I said don't you ever kick me again
  • 00:24:40.170 --> 00:24:43.110
  • or you will be underneath the table.
  • 00:24:43.110 --> 00:24:45.280
  • (laughter)
  • 00:24:45.280 --> 00:24:47.250
  • But you know it goes back to again the expectations
  • 00:24:47.250 --> 00:24:51.210
  • what we think that our spouses should say
  • 00:24:51.210 --> 00:24:54.170
  • or how they should respond
  • 00:24:54.170 --> 00:24:56.180
  • and if we don't find our voice
  • 00:24:56.180 --> 00:24:58.170
  • or if we don't know who we are
  • 00:24:58.170 --> 00:25:00.240
  • and let our voice come forward
  • 00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:02.090
  • then we find ourselves in a very difficult place.
  • 00:25:02.090 --> 00:25:07.020
  • - For many of you today,
  • 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:09.000
  • you've had expectations that have been unmet
  • 00:25:09.000 --> 00:25:11.060
  • and so, the scripture says that those who have met
  • 00:25:12.190 --> 00:25:15.130
  • with disappointment, sometimes the heart becomes sick
  • 00:25:15.130 --> 00:25:18.020
  • and I want to pray today that for the unmet expectations
  • 00:25:18.020 --> 00:25:22.130
  • that you have, God will touch your heart
  • 00:25:22.130 --> 00:25:24.140
  • and bring hope to you.
  • 00:25:24.140 --> 00:25:26.040
  • Father, I thank you that in the name of Jesus
  • 00:25:26.040 --> 00:25:29.060
  • you know how to bring soothing healing to our heart
  • 00:25:29.060 --> 00:25:32.070
  • for the places where we have unmet expectation
  • 00:25:32.070 --> 00:25:35.070
  • you're a God of favor and grace
  • 00:25:35.070 --> 00:25:37.220
  • so I thank you for meeting that
  • 00:25:37.220 --> 00:25:39.100
  • and bringing a wholeness to their heart
  • 00:25:39.100 --> 00:25:41.090
  • in Jesus name.
  • 00:25:41.090 --> 00:25:42.180
  • - You can call the number on your screen right now
  • 00:25:44.010 --> 00:25:45.230
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:25:45.230 --> 00:25:47.110
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:25:47.110 --> 00:25:51.030
  • We love you but most importantly,
  • 00:25:51.030 --> 00:25:52.290
  • Jesus loves you.
  • 00:25:52.290 --> 00:25:54.040
  • - We have received a viewer question from Jazzy
  • 00:25:57.080 --> 00:26:00.180
  • and she asks any advice for single ladies?
  • 00:26:00.180 --> 00:26:03.270
  • How do you prepare to be a wife or learn to be one
  • 00:26:03.270 --> 00:26:06.220
  • if you've never had an example before you?
  • 00:26:06.220 --> 00:26:10.130
  • Jazzy, that is a great question.
  • 00:26:10.130 --> 00:26:12.100
  • So, I think for those single ladies who are out there
  • 00:26:12.100 --> 00:26:14.150
  • who are preparing for marriage
  • 00:26:14.150 --> 00:26:16.000
  • and maybe they haven't had a great example of marriage
  • 00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:19.020
  • I think it's really important
  • 00:26:19.020 --> 00:26:20.180
  • to get around other older women who have walked well
  • 00:26:20.180 --> 00:26:24.250
  • in marriage and who have years of experience
  • 00:26:26.170 --> 00:26:29.020
  • and to ask them the questions.
  • 00:26:29.020 --> 00:26:30.170
  • Don't be afraid to ask them the tough questions.
  • 00:26:30.170 --> 00:26:32.250
  • - Absolutely.
  • 00:26:32.250 --> 00:26:34.120
  • I think that the more questions that you can ask
  • 00:26:34.120 --> 00:26:37.000
  • especially of marriages that you know are experienced
  • 00:26:37.000 --> 00:26:41.150
  • and you can get honest answers.
  • 00:26:41.150 --> 00:26:44.000
  • I think that helps equip you for the journey
  • 00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.240
  • because it is the journey isn't it?
  • 00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:48.130
  • - Yeah
  • 00:26:48.130 --> 00:26:49.190
  • - And not any marriage will look the same
  • 00:26:49.190 --> 00:26:52.200
  • but when you ask questions
  • 00:26:52.200 --> 00:26:54.140
  • you'll be able to adapt it to your situation
  • 00:26:54.140 --> 00:26:56.160
  • as you walk through marriage.
  • 00:26:56.160 --> 00:26:57.290
  • - You can watch Better Together episodes on demand.
  • 00:26:59.100 --> 00:27:02.030
  • Go to bettertogether.tv to stream
  • 00:27:02.030 --> 00:27:04.140
  • all our latest conversations.
  • 00:27:04.140 --> 00:27:06.090
  • Here's what's coming up next on Better Together.
  • 00:27:07.200 --> 00:27:11.130
  • - But I was yelling at him at the top of my lungs
  • 00:27:11.130 --> 00:27:14.250
  • like this wrath came over me and I said
  • 00:27:14.250 --> 00:27:17.050
  • what don't I know about you?
  • 00:27:17.050 --> 00:27:19.240
  • And he just spit out that he had been addicted to porn,
  • 00:27:22.140 --> 00:27:24.280
  • he had gone to strip clubs,
  • 00:27:24.280 --> 00:27:26.220
  • and he had been unfaithful.
  • 00:27:26.220 --> 00:27:28.030
  • - Watch Better Together weekdays
  • 00:27:28.290 --> 00:27:30.200
  • and Tuesday nights, only on TBN.
  • 00:27:30.200 --> 00:27:33.100