Identifying the Root | Better Together | TBN

Identifying the Root | Better Together

Watch Identifying the Root | Better Together
January 14, 2020
26:00

Identifying deep wounds from our childhood can be a step towards freedom. Are you ready to allow God to be the Great Redeemer? | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Identifying the Root | Better Together

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  • - Emotional scars from our past may
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  • be the cause of our brokenness today.
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  • One step toward healing can be rooted
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  • in identifying those hurts.
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  • Come on, let's join the conversation.
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • Ooh
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  • - So I had this one moment that
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  • literally was like a turning point for me,
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  • but I didn't see it as that,
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  • I saw it as one of the worst things that could happen.
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  • I had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital
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  • because I kind of fell apart.
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  • I mean, I just had a breakdown where I couldn't breathe,
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  • I couldn't walk, I couldn't survive.
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  • So I end up in this hospital and the first morning,
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  • I meet with my therapist.
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  • And he holds up this chart and it had all these words on it.
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  • Sad, angry, afraid, ashamed.
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  • I mean, 20 words.
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  • And he said to me, "Okay, Shelia, I want you to come over
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  • "and point to the words that you identify with."
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  • And I looked at the chart
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  • and I looked at him and I said,
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  • "I don't identify with any of them.
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  • "I'm not angry, I'm not sad."
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  • I was just so shut down inside
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  • that one of the things that when you suppress,
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  • the trauma in my childhood, when you suppress fear,
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  • when you put shame into the basement of your soul,
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  • which, you know, says if guilt tells me
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  • I've done something wrong,
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  • shame tells me I am something wrong.
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  • You can't just suppress the bad stuff,
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  • you suppress that good stuff too.
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  • And as I looked at that chart and I thought,
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  • "People feel all this stuff?"
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  • And it was the beginning of this journey
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  • to try and understand why I hated myself so much.
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  • I mean, I'd been a contemporary Christian artist for years.
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  • I sang at Billy Graham's crusades.
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  • I had been a co-host of "The 700 Club" for five years.
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  • But still, when I looked in the mirror,
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  • I still saw the little girl whose dad appeared
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  • to hate her in the end.
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  • And that's all I saw.
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  • And so that was the beginning.
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  • See that's what I think about the mercy of God.
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  • Mercy is such a little word, but it weighs so much.
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  • I would have just gone on like that for the rest of my life,
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  • but God said, "No."
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  • Christ said, "I've come to give you life."
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  • Not survival, not just getting
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  • through one more day, but life.
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  • - That's so good.
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  • - And I'll never forget, I was there for a month.
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  • I mean, it was one of the most radical months of my life.
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  • And there was a small group of us, maybe like 10 of us,
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  • that were in at the same time.
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  • And at the end, the day I was due to leave,
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  • a therapist said, "Okay, guys, I want you all
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  • "to go around the room
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  • "and tell Sheila what you like about her."
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  • And I couldn't stand it.
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  • And he got my body language and he said,
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  • "Okay, what is wrong with you?"
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  • I was comfortable facing all that was bad with me,
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  • you know, what I didn't want to deal with.
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  • But suddenly to get these positive affirmations
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  • from people I was on this journey with was really hard.
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  • And he said, "Okay, you sit there
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  • "and you open your hands and you open your heart
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  • "and you listen."
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  • And it was just this beautiful way of God saying,
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  • "Believe it or not, I was there in those worst days
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  • "and you've never lived and unloved moment in your life
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  • "and I'm here now
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  • "and I'm gonna walk you through this process."
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  • Honestly, I would go through all of that again
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  • for the way that I've seen Christ redeem it.
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  • Because there's a difference between wounds and scars.
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  • Wounds are raw and you need time to heal.
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  • But when they're scars, then you're able
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  • to reach out to other people and comfort them
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  • with the same comfort with which you have been comforted.
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  • - Bear each other's burdens.
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  • - I just see the way that God is a redeemer.
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  • - He is, yes he is. - With the worst
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  • of childhood trauma. - Yes, he is.
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  • - It's interesting to me how your past can shape the way
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  • that you kind of look at life
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  • and experience life in the present moment.
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  • Things that were poor choices, things that you're
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  • like totally ashamed of, totally embarrassed of
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  • that you just beat yourself up over.
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  • Those can shape the way that you're able to see life now
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  • and today and experience.
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  • For me, the fact that, you know,
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  • a failed marriage, the whole thing.
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  • It has given me this like ability to walk out life
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  • with my husband and my kids
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  • with this attitude of just gratitude.
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  • I am so grateful that even through all my junk,
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  • God saw fit to bless me with an amazing husband,
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  • who is faithful, who is a great daddy,
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  • who loves God far more than he could ever love me.
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  • - And it's so powerful when we think of wounds and scars.
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  • It's like wounds you become the one needing the healing,
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  • the focus is on you.
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  • But when it's scars, it's like now you can reflect back.
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  • Like the scripture says, "It's the old landmark."
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  • It's a landmark of a previous pain,
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  • a previous pain that was so fragile, vulnerable.
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  • But now you can speak from that place and say,
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  • "I wanna talk to you about the wound
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  • "that you're walking through, this is the scar
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  • "that shows proof of God's healing in my life."
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  • - It's the proof.
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  • - Yeah, it's the proof in the pudding.
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  • - I finished speaking at a women's event last year
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  • and I noticed there was one gentleman in the audience
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  • and I thought maybe he was the pastor
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  • just kinda listening in,
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  • making sure I wasn't gonna go wacky.
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  • - So funny, that's the best.
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  • - But at the end, he had stayed over in one area,
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  • and when almost everyone else had gone,
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  • he came over and he turned his face towards me
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  • for the first time and I saw that half of his face was gone.
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  • And I asked him what his story was
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  • and he said when he was 15 years old,
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  • he put a gun underneath his.
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  • - Wow.
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  • - And in that millisecond between
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  • when the bullet left the chamber and entered his skull,
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  • he heard Jesus say, "Do you want to live?"
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  • And he said, "Yes."
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  • - Wow.
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  • - And he's now married with three beautiful daughters
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  • and I said to him, "When you see your reflection
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  • "in the mirror, is a reminder of that devastating day?"
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  • And he said, "No, it's a daily reminder
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  • "of the grace of God."
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  • And that's why I think we tell each other our stories.
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  • Because so many women think I'm the only one.
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  • - That's when the healing can begin,
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  • is when we acknowledge it and share it.
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  • 'Cause you never know what you're walking through.
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  • I don't know what you're going through,
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  • you don't know where I'm going.
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  • We have to share
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  • and bear each others' burdens and walk together.
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  • - You know, it's where it says, "Bear one another's burdens,
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  • "and so fulfill the law of Christ."
  • 00:07:07.100 --> 00:07:09.020
  • Two verses further on, it said,
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  • "Each man must carry his own load."
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  • And I thought, explain that to me, Lord.
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  • - I was just reading that.
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  • - It's the word used in Greek for ship's load.
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  • So it means there's some things that you walk through
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  • that are too much to carry by yourself.
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  • - That's good.
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  • - And then the word that's used for carry your own load
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  • is what Christ has designed us all to carry.
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  • But there's situations in life where you're like,
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  • I can't carry this by myself.
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  • And that's when we move in to one another's lives.
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  • But I often ask women in conferences,
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  • okay, I want you to imagine this.
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  • When you walk through these doors,
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  • suddenly all your baggage became visible.
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  • And you have to drag it to your seat.
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  • - Run! (laughing)
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  • - She said, "run!" (laughing)
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  • - And I say, I'm not talking
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  • about your pillow and your snacks,
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  • I'm talking about the stuff you've buried since childhood.
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  • But then I say, if you saw it,
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  • would you want to take it home?
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  • Or would you want to take Christ up on that glorious offer.
  • 00:08:00.150 --> 00:08:03.010
  • At the end of Matthew 11, the last two verses,
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  • "Come onto me all who weary and heavy laden,
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  • "and I will give you rest."
  • 00:08:08.200 --> 00:08:10.190
  • - You know, going back to this idea of people not knowing
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  • what you're carrying,
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  • you know, I didn't grow up in a Christian home.
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  • Like I didn't hear Jesus, God, Bible, church,
  • 00:08:15.140 --> 00:08:19.000
  • any of that until I was invited to church when I was 11
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  • by my classmate in the sixth grade.
  • 00:08:21.140 --> 00:08:24.010
  • And I will never forget, you know,
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  • when I walked into the church that day,
  • 00:08:25.200 --> 00:08:27.270
  • those people were so loving and they were so kind,
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  • but they didn't know
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  • that I had survived two suicide attempts.
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  • Like they didn't know that at nine years old I tried
  • 00:08:34.130 --> 00:08:36.230
  • to take my life and at 11 I tried to take my life again,
  • 00:08:36.230 --> 00:08:38.280
  • because of just all the disfunction and the trauma
  • 00:08:38.280 --> 00:08:41.160
  • and feeling like I didn't matter.
  • 00:08:41.160 --> 00:08:43.250
  • - Disfunction was your norm. - The abuse.
  • 00:08:43.250 --> 00:08:45.190
  • Yeah, and like that's why we have to be so careful
  • 00:08:45.190 --> 00:08:49.070
  • to not hurt people.
  • 00:08:49.070 --> 00:08:51.110
  • Because you just don't know, you don't know.
  • 00:08:51.110 --> 00:08:53.250
  • It's like, you know, we get into situations
  • 00:08:53.250 --> 00:08:55.020
  • with somebody who's rude to us, right.
  • 00:08:55.020 --> 00:08:56.180
  • And our first instinct is to be like
  • 00:08:56.180 --> 00:08:59.100
  • wait a minute, let me tell you who I am.
  • 00:08:59.100 --> 00:09:02.120
  • But then we have to take a step back
  • 00:09:02.120 --> 00:09:04.010
  • and be like, you know what, that person is obviously angry
  • 00:09:04.010 --> 00:09:07.190
  • because there's something going on in their life.
  • 00:09:07.190 --> 00:09:09.120
  • It's like, how can I be a blessing to them?
  • 00:09:09.120 --> 00:09:11.140
  • - And I've always compared those like deep contrasts.
  • 00:09:11.140 --> 00:09:14.240
  • It's like, they have everything but they're bitter.
  • 00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:18.120
  • And this person has nothing but they're so much better.
  • 00:09:18.120 --> 00:09:22.050
  • And I've often seen the case of that
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  • in life when we are working through healing.
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  • We've seen people walk through divorce.
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  • We've seen, you know, even in my own life,
  • 00:09:31.020 --> 00:09:33.030
  • people walk through some serious scenarios
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  • and yet they have overcome
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  • and they have a great way at looking at life.
  • 00:09:37.210 --> 00:09:40.230
  • My encouragement for all of you is like
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  • when we're walking through life,
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  • just focus on being better.
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  • Focus on walking away with something that is,
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  • that's worth more than becoming
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  • the person that you despise the most.
  • 00:09:53.170 --> 00:09:56.060
  • Like we've met them, we've heard their conversations
  • 00:09:56.060 --> 00:09:58.240
  • and it's like you wanna go and take a shower,
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  • because they're so negative, you know?
  • 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:03.130
  • It's like, do I wanna be that?
  • 00:10:03.130 --> 00:10:04.280
  • And I think, for me, if I can be quite honest,
  • 00:10:06.030 --> 00:10:08.000
  • there was a point in my life that I was so negative.
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  • I was hard, I was hard on myself, my kids were small.
  • 00:10:11.130 --> 00:10:14.270
  • My relationship with my husband,
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  • it was getting tense as the years went on,
  • 00:10:18.110 --> 00:10:22.070
  • because stuff that I did not resolve,
  • 00:10:22.070 --> 00:10:24.250
  • and I kept blaming other people instead of looking at me,
  • 00:10:24.250 --> 00:10:28.070
  • instead of looking at the person in the mirror
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  • and actually noticing, you know what,
  • 00:10:31.010 --> 00:10:32.190
  • you're the common denominator in this whole scenario
  • 00:10:32.190 --> 00:10:35.120
  • and you are your own worst enemy.
  • 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:37.260
  • So my encouragement to you is just get better.
  • 00:10:37.260 --> 00:10:40.290
  • Get healing, you know, fight for it.
  • 00:10:40.290 --> 00:10:43.150
  • You know, you don't have a right to be negative
  • 00:10:43.150 --> 00:10:47.020
  • and unforgiving, but you do have a right to healing.
  • 00:10:47.020 --> 00:10:50.160
  • And so that's what I aim for.
  • 00:10:50.160 --> 00:10:53.020
  • Now I feel better, I look better,.
  • 00:10:53.020 --> 00:10:55.030
  • I, you know, I have less wrinkles, thank you, Jesus.
  • 00:10:55.030 --> 00:10:58.120
  • You know?
  • 00:10:58.120 --> 00:10:59.200
  • And I don't need Botox, Hallelujah!
  • 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:02.040
  • But it's the attitude of looking at life
  • 00:11:02.040 --> 00:11:05.170
  • with the glass full instead of the glass empty.
  • 00:11:05.170 --> 00:11:09.050
  • It's having a better attitude
  • 00:11:09.050 --> 00:11:10.190
  • and working through tense situations
  • 00:11:10.190 --> 00:11:13.050
  • and walking away with a better outcome
  • 00:11:13.050 --> 00:11:16.040
  • than to be argumentative and ornery and mean-spirited.
  • 00:11:16.040 --> 00:11:21.010
  • No one wants that.
  • 00:11:21.010 --> 00:11:22.040
  • No one wants that at a party.
  • 00:11:22.040 --> 00:11:23.130
  • No one wants to invite that as well.
  • 00:11:23.130 --> 00:11:25.210
  • So just know that you can get better after trauma,
  • 00:11:25.210 --> 00:11:29.040
  • after serious inner stuff that happened to you.
  • 00:11:29.040 --> 00:11:32.070
  • You can walk away with a better life.
  • 00:11:32.070 --> 00:11:34.080
  • - It's hard because, you know,
  • 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:36.290
  • when we're nursing our own trauma,
  • 00:11:36.290 --> 00:11:39.030
  • the first thing we wanna do is lash out.
  • 00:11:39.030 --> 00:11:41.160
  • And we don't have tolerance and we don't have patience,
  • 00:11:41.160 --> 00:11:44.060
  • but that's what the love of God is.
  • 00:11:44.060 --> 00:11:45.220
  • And I mean, oh my God, I think about
  • 00:11:45.220 --> 00:11:47.110
  • when Jesus hung on that cross, think about this,
  • 00:11:47.110 --> 00:11:50.160
  • in all his pain, all of his trauma, before he died,
  • 00:11:50.160 --> 00:11:55.150
  • he forgave two people who were hanging next to him.
  • 00:11:57.000 --> 00:11:59.000
  • - I know.
  • 00:11:59.000 --> 00:12:00.030
  • - I mean, imagine that.
  • 00:12:00.030 --> 00:12:01.180
  • Like you have enough love--
  • 00:12:01.180 --> 00:12:04.240
  • - To walk in that kind of forgiveness.
  • 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:06.150
  • - It's incredible.
  • 00:12:06.150 --> 00:12:08.030
  • - And we're getting ticked off at the person
  • 00:12:08.030 --> 00:12:09.260
  • who ran the red light.
  • 00:12:09.260 --> 00:12:11.020
  • And like, what are you doing, seriously?
  • 00:12:11.020 --> 00:12:13.040
  • Cuts us off, what are you doing?
  • 00:12:13.040 --> 00:12:14.090
  • - Like what, what manner of love is that?
  • 00:12:14.090 --> 00:12:18.000
  • And so, to me, that's the power of redemption,
  • 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:19.220
  • is like you don't know what somebody is carrying,
  • 00:12:19.220 --> 00:12:22.240
  • but you love 'em anyway.
  • 00:12:22.240 --> 00:12:24.050
  • (upbeat music)
  • 00:12:24.050 --> 00:12:26.210
  • - Whether you're sharing your testimony,
  • 00:12:26.210 --> 00:12:28.210
  • - Or a prayer request.
  • 00:12:28.210 --> 00:12:30.050
  • - Stay connected with us on social media, @bettertogethertv.
  • 00:12:30.050 --> 00:12:33.220
  • - Join the conversation.
  • 00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:35.060
  • - We can't wait to hear from you.
  • 00:12:35.060 --> 00:12:36.270
  • - I can tell whether I react or respond.
  • 00:12:40.120 --> 00:12:42.210
  • - Yeah, oh yeah. - That's good.
  • 00:12:42.210 --> 00:12:44.070
  • - The difference is reaction,
  • 00:12:44.070 --> 00:12:46.110
  • it's like an immediate thing but we wanna fight back.
  • 00:12:46.110 --> 00:12:49.020
  • Response is when we can listen
  • 00:12:49.020 --> 00:12:50.280
  • to what the person's actually saying and then respond.
  • 00:12:50.280 --> 00:12:53.230
  • One of my daily prayers every morning is this.
  • 00:12:53.230 --> 00:12:56.210
  • Lord, give me eyes today to see what I'm gonna miss.
  • 00:12:56.210 --> 00:12:59.090
  • Give me ears to hear behind what somebody's saying.
  • 00:12:59.090 --> 00:13:02.190
  • Like I was at the conference in Chicago,
  • 00:13:02.190 --> 00:13:04.250
  • and I was listening to a woman at the end
  • 00:13:04.250 --> 00:13:06.130
  • of the conference tell a little bit of her story to me.
  • 00:13:06.130 --> 00:13:09.040
  • And this other woman kinda stuck her head in between us,
  • 00:13:09.040 --> 00:13:11.210
  • so it was hard to ignore her.
  • 00:13:11.210 --> 00:13:13.050
  • (laughing)
  • 00:13:13.050 --> 00:13:14.230
  • And she said, "I'm so sick of hearing
  • 00:13:14.230 --> 00:13:16.160
  • "about your perfect family."
  • 00:13:16.160 --> 00:13:17.290
  • And I said, "Wait with me just for a moment."
  • 00:13:17.290 --> 00:13:19.130
  • And I took a little walk with this woman
  • 00:13:19.130 --> 00:13:20.280
  • and I turned and I asked her a question.
  • 00:13:20.280 --> 00:13:22.100
  • I said, "What happened to you?"
  • 00:13:22.100 --> 00:13:24.140
  • - That's good.
  • 00:13:24.140 --> 00:13:25.260
  • - And at first look I thought she was gonna deck me.
  • 00:13:25.260 --> 00:13:27.070
  • - Or who hurt you?
  • 00:13:27.070 --> 00:13:28.050
  • - But she fell into my arms.
  • 00:13:28.050 --> 00:13:29.170
  • She's buried two sons.
  • 00:13:29.170 --> 00:13:30.220
  • - Wow. - Oh.
  • 00:13:30.220 --> 00:13:32.010
  • - She was reacting out of her pain.
  • 00:13:32.010 --> 00:13:34.130
  • And if we could learn as God's daughters
  • 00:13:34.130 --> 00:13:36.200
  • to be conduits of grace to one another,
  • 00:13:36.200 --> 00:13:39.090
  • you know, where people are reacting all the time.
  • 00:13:39.090 --> 00:13:42.030
  • Holy Spirit, what's going on here?
  • 00:13:43.060 --> 00:13:45.070
  • - The truth about pain is that,
  • 00:13:45.070 --> 00:13:47.140
  • you know, especially when it causes bitterness,
  • 00:13:47.140 --> 00:13:50.220
  • it begins to seep into every area of our life.
  • 00:13:50.220 --> 00:13:54.160
  • I've experienced situations
  • 00:13:54.160 --> 00:13:56.260
  • where bitterness created a lack of joy in my life
  • 00:13:56.260 --> 00:14:01.060
  • and as a result, good things would happen,
  • 00:14:01.060 --> 00:14:04.000
  • but I couldn't enjoy them.
  • 00:14:04.000 --> 00:14:06.020
  • I couldn't actually experience them,
  • 00:14:06.020 --> 00:14:07.150
  • because the bitterness had seeped
  • 00:14:07.150 --> 00:14:09.120
  • into every area of my life.
  • 00:14:09.120 --> 00:14:11.100
  • It doesn't stay localized.
  • 00:14:11.100 --> 00:14:13.110
  • Resentment does not stay localized.
  • 00:14:13.110 --> 00:14:15.070
  • This is why we have to let it go.
  • 00:14:15.070 --> 00:14:18.040
  • This is why we have to forgive.
  • 00:14:18.040 --> 00:14:19.280
  • I often think of bitterness as drinking poison
  • 00:14:19.280 --> 00:14:23.170
  • and expecting it to kill the other person.
  • 00:14:23.170 --> 00:14:26.050
  • It ends up hurting you.
  • 00:14:26.050 --> 00:14:27.270
  • And so you really do have to let it go
  • 00:14:27.270 --> 00:14:29.180
  • or else the beauty that God puts right in front of your eyes
  • 00:14:29.180 --> 00:14:33.160
  • will be missed, because the lens
  • 00:14:33.160 --> 00:14:35.210
  • that you're filtering it through is the pain of the past.
  • 00:14:35.210 --> 00:14:38.210
  • - God always gives us that chance,
  • 00:14:39.260 --> 00:14:42.030
  • that moment, that blink.
  • 00:14:42.030 --> 00:14:44.030
  • That thought.
  • 00:14:44.030 --> 00:14:45.210
  • And he gives us a choice. - He does.
  • 00:14:45.210 --> 00:14:47.190
  • - Of how to respond or how to react,
  • 00:14:47.190 --> 00:14:50.150
  • you know, to everything we go through.
  • 00:14:51.280 --> 00:14:54.010
  • - But I love how you framed that.
  • 00:14:54.010 --> 00:14:55.200
  • We're so quick to ask somebody, "What's wrong with you?
  • 00:14:57.000 --> 00:14:59.080
  • "What's wrong with you?"
  • 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:00.230
  • It's not what's wrong with you, it's what happened to you?
  • 00:15:00.230 --> 00:15:02.160
  • - Oh, that is a good one.
  • 00:15:02.160 --> 00:15:04.000
  • - What happened to you to make you act that way?
  • 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:06.260
  • Who hurt you?
  • 00:15:06.260 --> 00:15:08.030
  • And I think we're so quick to be like,
  • 00:15:08.030 --> 00:15:09.120
  • oh, just cutting people off and blocking people
  • 00:15:09.120 --> 00:15:12.150
  • and don't call them anymore.
  • 00:15:12.150 --> 00:15:15.060
  • - That's so true. - Unfollow.
  • 00:15:15.060 --> 00:15:17.000
  • - Yeah, unfollow.
  • 00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:17.280
  • I mean, something happened
  • 00:15:17.280 --> 00:15:19.120
  • and I love the idea of being a conduit of grace.
  • 00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:21.080
  • Because we are truly the incarnation
  • 00:15:21.080 --> 00:15:23.070
  • of God's grace on this earth.
  • 00:15:23.070 --> 00:15:24.280
  • So how can we extend that to people that hurt us?
  • 00:15:24.280 --> 00:15:27.040
  • - And one of my favorite old Scottish preachers said,
  • 00:15:27.040 --> 00:15:29.010
  • "There's a broken heart in every pew."
  • 00:15:29.010 --> 00:15:31.210
  • One of the things that played out in my own life
  • 00:15:31.210 --> 00:15:33.220
  • was I found it very hard to connect with people.
  • 00:15:33.220 --> 00:15:37.200
  • Because I remember seeing "Cinderella" as a little girl
  • 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:40.130
  • and all my friends loved it and I hated it.
  • 00:15:40.130 --> 00:15:42.130
  • - Why?
  • 00:15:42.130 --> 00:15:43.160
  • - Because I'm thinking, do not tell me
  • 00:15:43.160 --> 00:15:44.220
  • there's a prince coming to rescue me.
  • 00:15:44.220 --> 00:15:46.030
  • There is nobody coming to rescue me.
  • 00:15:46.030 --> 00:15:47.210
  • I'm gonna have to rescue myself.
  • 00:15:47.210 --> 00:15:49.220
  • Of course, I went on in life to discover
  • 00:15:49.220 --> 00:15:51.060
  • there is a Prince of Peace and he's coming to rescue me.
  • 00:15:51.060 --> 00:15:53.190
  • - That's right!
  • 00:15:53.190 --> 00:15:54.260
  • - But at first I had a wall around my life.
  • 00:15:54.260 --> 00:15:56.110
  • You know, if you needed me, I'd try and help you,
  • 00:15:56.110 --> 00:15:57.270
  • but I didn't let anybody get close
  • 00:15:57.270 --> 00:15:59.290
  • in case you saw what my father saw.
  • 00:15:59.290 --> 00:16:02.060
  • - Really, wow.
  • 00:16:02.060 --> 00:16:03.160
  • - And that was a learning thing for me.
  • 00:16:04.190 --> 00:16:06.050
  • Even with my son, I adore my son, I would die for my son.
  • 00:16:06.050 --> 00:16:10.010
  • But I realized I still had a bit of a barrier even there
  • 00:16:10.010 --> 00:16:13.100
  • and it was my husband who asked me about it one day.
  • 00:16:13.100 --> 00:16:15.220
  • "Do you ever find it hard to connect with Christian and I?"
  • 00:16:15.220 --> 00:16:20.050
  • And I was like,
  • 00:16:20.050 --> 00:16:21.000
  • - That's good.
  • 00:16:21.000 --> 00:16:22.050
  • - Yeah, I think I do.
  • 00:16:22.050 --> 00:16:23.070
  • And it was just, to me it's this process
  • 00:16:24.130 --> 00:16:27.020
  • of peeling back all the layers
  • 00:16:27.020 --> 00:16:29.020
  • and where they went back to and replacing that
  • 00:16:29.020 --> 00:16:31.020
  • with this, I can honestly say at 63,
  • 00:16:31.020 --> 00:16:34.050
  • my best friend in life is Jesus.
  • 00:16:34.050 --> 00:16:36.030
  • I love my husband, I love my son,
  • 00:16:36.030 --> 00:16:38.030
  • but there's just something about he's always with us.
  • 00:16:38.030 --> 00:16:41.200
  • His grace is always there.
  • 00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:43.090
  • I walk into every new situation and I'm like,
  • 00:16:43.090 --> 00:16:45.060
  • "Here we are, Lord, now what's gonna happen next?"
  • 00:16:45.060 --> 00:16:48.140
  • - Without God's grace and mercy, I would not be here.
  • 00:16:48.140 --> 00:16:53.000
  • I think about my life
  • 00:16:53.260 --> 00:16:55.040
  • and I'm literally a statistical anomaly.
  • 00:16:55.040 --> 00:16:58.050
  • There is no explanation for how someone
  • 00:16:58.050 --> 00:17:01.160
  • who experienced seven years of childhood sexual abuse
  • 00:17:01.160 --> 00:17:04.270
  • and physical abuse could have the type
  • 00:17:04.270 --> 00:17:07.240
  • of life that I have now.
  • 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:09.080
  • There's no explanation for why I haven't been locked up.
  • 00:17:09.080 --> 00:17:12.010
  • There's no explanation for
  • 00:17:12.010 --> 00:17:13.050
  • why I don't have children out of wedlock.
  • 00:17:13.050 --> 00:17:14.200
  • There's no explanation for why I'm not addicted to drugs.
  • 00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:17.010
  • All of those things should have happened.
  • 00:17:17.010 --> 00:17:19.270
  • And yet they didn't, because God's grace
  • 00:17:19.270 --> 00:17:22.040
  • and his mercy is real.
  • 00:17:22.040 --> 00:17:24.260
  • - Jesus heals all wounds.
  • 00:17:24.260 --> 00:17:26.150
  • Because no matter, well, we've seen it.
  • 00:17:26.150 --> 00:17:29.220
  • People are given time.
  • 00:17:29.220 --> 00:17:31.160
  • Either they get worse, some bitter
  • 00:17:31.160 --> 00:17:33.110
  • or either they get better. - That's true.
  • 00:17:33.110 --> 00:17:35.000
  • - If you allow the Lord to come into your life,
  • 00:17:35.000 --> 00:17:37.250
  • to go an excavate the deep parts of you,
  • 00:17:37.250 --> 00:17:40.290
  • to take a flashlight and go into every room of your heart
  • 00:17:40.290 --> 00:17:43.230
  • and let him do some serious inspection,
  • 00:17:43.230 --> 00:17:46.290
  • when you come to that place,
  • 00:17:46.290 --> 00:17:48.250
  • then you've surrendered everything.
  • 00:17:48.250 --> 00:17:50.160
  • And he takes the moment,
  • 00:17:50.160 --> 00:17:52.070
  • because redemption and salvation, it's instantaneous.
  • 00:17:52.070 --> 00:17:54.280
  • Wholeness, it happened for Lazarus
  • 00:17:54.280 --> 00:17:56.270
  • when he was told to get out of the crypt, out of the grave.
  • 00:17:56.270 --> 00:18:00.080
  • But it took other people to remove the grave's clothes.
  • 00:18:00.080 --> 00:18:03.130
  • That's what the scripture says.
  • 00:18:03.130 --> 00:18:05.110
  • And so it was a process.
  • 00:18:05.110 --> 00:18:07.160
  • There were next steps.
  • 00:18:07.160 --> 00:18:09.010
  • So whatever the next step is, I think for many of us,
  • 00:18:09.010 --> 00:18:12.060
  • it's allowing the Lord to go into your life
  • 00:18:12.060 --> 00:18:14.120
  • and begin to remove the grave's clothes,
  • 00:18:14.120 --> 00:18:16.070
  • the stench of death.
  • 00:18:16.070 --> 00:18:17.290
  • The woman with the issue of blood, the same thing.
  • 00:18:17.290 --> 00:18:20.100
  • She's been suffering on the inside,
  • 00:18:20.100 --> 00:18:22.130
  • no one knew that she was-- - No one could see it.
  • 00:18:22.130 --> 00:18:24.040
  • - No one could see it.
  • 00:18:24.040 --> 00:18:25.180
  • Those are internal things, those are embarrassing things.
  • 00:18:25.180 --> 00:18:27.210
  • - That's the worst.
  • 00:18:27.210 --> 00:18:29.070
  • - You know, and for a female to have the stench of that,
  • 00:18:29.070 --> 00:18:33.030
  • roaming around, especially in those times.
  • 00:18:33.030 --> 00:18:36.030
  • They don't have the technology.
  • 00:18:36.030 --> 00:18:38.020
  • - Sure don't.
  • 00:18:38.020 --> 00:18:39.090
  • - They don't have the technology that we have.
  • 00:18:39.090 --> 00:18:41.030
  • But now, you know, looking back, it's like
  • 00:18:41.030 --> 00:18:43.230
  • that's something she carried for 12 years internally.
  • 00:18:43.230 --> 00:18:47.120
  • She just got fed up and she's like, "This is my moment,
  • 00:18:47.120 --> 00:18:49.240
  • "this is my chance."
  • 00:18:49.240 --> 00:18:51.070
  • - Do or die.
  • 00:18:51.070 --> 00:18:52.010
  • - Yes, and so time.
  • 00:18:52.010 --> 00:18:53.260
  • Does time heal all wounds?
  • 00:18:53.260 --> 00:18:55.120
  • No, but time in the hands of Jesus heals all wounds.
  • 00:18:55.120 --> 00:18:57.220
  • - Yes.
  • 00:18:57.220 --> 00:18:58.290
  • - You know, I was thinking about,
  • 00:18:58.290 --> 00:19:00.070
  • when you just pictured Jesus at the cross
  • 00:19:00.070 --> 00:19:01.210
  • and they took all shame, took all sorrow.
  • 00:19:01.210 --> 00:19:05.130
  • He took everything that we would suffer with into his body
  • 00:19:05.130 --> 00:19:10.130
  • so that we could be made whole.
  • 00:19:11.090 --> 00:19:13.030
  • And he is our redeemer and that is the good news
  • 00:19:13.030 --> 00:19:16.010
  • of great joy to all the world, to every nation, every tribe,
  • 00:19:16.010 --> 00:19:19.280
  • every tongue, that we have a savior.
  • 00:19:19.280 --> 00:19:22.100
  • And I was thinking of this kind of inner healing week
  • 00:19:22.100 --> 00:19:26.030
  • and, you know, I think inner healing has gotten a bad rap
  • 00:19:26.030 --> 00:19:30.080
  • at times in my mind,
  • 00:19:30.080 --> 00:19:31.260
  • but I've heard people talk about,
  • 00:19:31.260 --> 00:19:33.140
  • I just felt like I took Jesus by the hand
  • 00:19:33.140 --> 00:19:36.100
  • and I walked into that space. - Great visual, yeah.
  • 00:19:36.100 --> 00:19:39.020
  • - You know, I walked into that bedroom
  • 00:19:39.020 --> 00:19:41.270
  • where I was being molested.
  • 00:19:41.270 --> 00:19:44.080
  • I walked into those places of trauma.
  • 00:19:44.080 --> 00:19:48.050
  • - Pain.
  • 00:19:48.050 --> 00:19:49.000
  • - But God was with me.
  • 00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:50.070
  • Jesus, and I just was kinda going
  • 00:19:50.070 --> 00:19:53.120
  • through this in my mind this week.
  • 00:19:53.120 --> 00:19:55.060
  • And to think that Jesus absorbs all of that pain.
  • 00:19:55.060 --> 00:20:00.060
  • He absorbs all of that shame, all that trauma.
  • 00:20:01.110 --> 00:20:04.160
  • Believe that he did it for us. - He's doing it.
  • 00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:07.010
  • - And that he, you know,
  • 00:20:07.010 --> 00:20:09.070
  • when he died on the cross he said, "It's finished.
  • 00:20:09.070 --> 00:20:13.170
  • "I've taken it all for you.
  • 00:20:13.170 --> 00:20:15.190
  • "I have done everything for your freedom,
  • 00:20:15.190 --> 00:20:19.210
  • "for your redemption, for your peace,
  • 00:20:19.210 --> 00:20:22.220
  • "for your salvation, for your joy, for your life.
  • 00:20:22.220 --> 00:20:27.210
  • "I have given you life
  • 00:20:27.210 --> 00:20:29.220
  • "and I've given it more abundantly to you."
  • 00:20:29.220 --> 00:20:32.100
  • And if we can take our pain and our shame,
  • 00:20:32.100 --> 00:20:35.180
  • take Jesus in it with us, know that he took it for us,
  • 00:20:35.180 --> 00:20:40.140
  • and believe that, believe that I am a child of God
  • 00:20:40.140 --> 00:20:45.050
  • and I am set free.
  • 00:20:45.050 --> 00:20:47.090
  • Before he died, he said, "I have given you my peace.
  • 00:20:47.090 --> 00:20:50.220
  • "Peace I'm leaving here for you.
  • 00:20:50.220 --> 00:20:53.220
  • "Let not your heart be troubled and let it not be afraid."
  • 00:20:53.220 --> 00:20:57.210
  • - One of the most beautiful redemption stories in the Bible
  • 00:20:57.210 --> 00:21:00.060
  • is the story of Peter. - Yes, oh my goodness.
  • 00:21:00.060 --> 00:21:02.230
  • - And in Matthew chapter 16, Jesus told Peter,
  • 00:21:02.230 --> 00:21:06.030
  • he said, "You are Peter and upon this rock,
  • 00:21:06.030 --> 00:21:10.280
  • "I will build my church."
  • 00:21:10.280 --> 00:21:12.120
  • I always thought it was interesting
  • 00:21:12.120 --> 00:21:13.260
  • that he told Peter who he was as if that was a question.
  • 00:21:13.260 --> 00:21:17.030
  • And it's interesting to me
  • 00:21:17.030 --> 00:21:18.280
  • because if you fast-forward to I think it's Matthew 26
  • 00:21:18.280 --> 00:21:21.130
  • where Peter denied Jesus,
  • 00:21:21.130 --> 00:21:23.060
  • it says that the rooster crowed
  • 00:21:23.060 --> 00:21:25.160
  • and Peter became filled with shame.
  • 00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:28.040
  • Because he remembered what he had done, he denied his Lord.
  • 00:21:28.040 --> 00:21:30.280
  • But before the rooster told Peter he was a traitor,
  • 00:21:30.280 --> 00:21:34.280
  • Jesus had already told Peter he was a builder.
  • 00:21:34.280 --> 00:21:37.280
  • Before Peter had to confront his shame,
  • 00:21:37.280 --> 00:21:41.070
  • Jesus already told him, "I've purposed you."
  • 00:21:41.070 --> 00:21:43.250
  • And I think all of us have to remember this,
  • 00:21:43.250 --> 00:21:45.180
  • is that no matter what has happened,
  • 00:21:45.180 --> 00:21:47.240
  • Jesus has already purposed us.
  • 00:21:47.240 --> 00:21:49.190
  • He's already purposed us and there is nothing that we can do
  • 00:21:49.190 --> 00:21:52.210
  • to disqualify what God wants to do through us.
  • 00:21:52.210 --> 00:21:55.050
  • We have to accept that. - To look up.
  • 00:21:55.050 --> 00:21:56.220
  • Psalms 34 says, "Those who look to him for help
  • 00:21:56.220 --> 00:22:00.080
  • "will be radiant with joy.
  • 00:22:00.080 --> 00:22:01.190
  • "No shadow of shame will touch their faces."
  • 00:22:01.190 --> 00:22:05.080
  • - (laughs) I love that.
  • 00:22:05.080 --> 00:22:06.170
  • - Sometimes it's just changing where you look.
  • 00:22:06.170 --> 00:22:08.100
  • We look back with Christ,
  • 00:22:08.100 --> 00:22:10.030
  • and we take him to those dark places,
  • 00:22:10.030 --> 00:22:12.040
  • and we find his peace and his presence there,
  • 00:22:12.040 --> 00:22:14.200
  • but then we look forward and we press on.
  • 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:17.230
  • You what's interesting?
  • 00:22:17.230 --> 00:22:18.210
  • If you take the word depression
  • 00:22:18.210 --> 00:22:22.010
  • and you rearrange the letters, what you get is I pressed on.
  • 00:22:22.010 --> 00:22:26.050
  • - No! - Yes!
  • 00:22:26.050 --> 00:22:27.030
  • - [Jaci] Where did you discover that, that's so cool!
  • 00:22:28.130 --> 00:22:29.110
  • - I had the word in front of me,
  • 00:22:29.110 --> 00:22:31.020
  • because I was asked to speak at a mental health symposium
  • 00:22:31.020 --> 00:22:33.060
  • and I thought, you know, this is really interesting.
  • 00:22:33.060 --> 00:22:35.060
  • - I love that.
  • 00:22:35.060 --> 00:22:36.180
  • - Because do I have a diagnosis of clinical depression?
  • 00:22:36.180 --> 00:22:37.240
  • Yes, but in Christ everyday, I press on.
  • 00:22:37.240 --> 00:22:41.290
  • Because I know who he says I am.
  • 00:22:41.290 --> 00:22:44.030
  • - That's right, that's right.
  • 00:22:44.030 --> 00:22:45.190
  • - That's beautiful.
  • 00:22:45.190 --> 00:22:46.250
  • - I just want you to know
  • 00:22:46.250 --> 00:22:48.040
  • it's no accident that you're watching this.
  • 00:22:48.040 --> 00:22:50.160
  • That God is very close to you.
  • 00:22:50.160 --> 00:22:53.160
  • Scripture says, you'll find it Psalm 34
  • 00:22:53.160 --> 00:22:55.200
  • that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted
  • 00:22:55.200 --> 00:22:59.030
  • and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
  • 00:22:59.030 --> 00:23:02.040
  • If that's you today,
  • 00:23:02.040 --> 00:23:03.170
  • I would love the privilege of praying for you.
  • 00:23:03.170 --> 00:23:06.100
  • Let's pray together.
  • 00:23:06.100 --> 00:23:07.100
  • Father, I thank you so much
  • 00:23:08.270 --> 00:23:10.280
  • that even through this medium we can come together
  • 00:23:10.280 --> 00:23:14.050
  • before the throne of grace and mercy.
  • 00:23:14.050 --> 00:23:17.020
  • And, Lord, I ask for my sister, for my brother
  • 00:23:17.020 --> 00:23:19.120
  • who's watching right now.
  • 00:23:19.120 --> 00:23:21.110
  • Lord, I pray that you would, by your Holy Spirit,
  • 00:23:21.110 --> 00:23:24.050
  • help them to see the root of what's been causing them
  • 00:23:24.050 --> 00:23:27.210
  • so much pain in their life.
  • 00:23:27.210 --> 00:23:29.070
  • And, Lord, I ask that you would give them the grace
  • 00:23:29.070 --> 00:23:32.120
  • to bring the broken pieces to you
  • 00:23:32.120 --> 00:23:35.170
  • because I believe that what other people would throw away,
  • 00:23:35.170 --> 00:23:39.080
  • you don't throw away.
  • 00:23:39.080 --> 00:23:40.270
  • You touch us with your healing love
  • 00:23:40.270 --> 00:23:43.030
  • and you bring such wholeness to us
  • 00:23:43.030 --> 00:23:46.150
  • so that we're able, then, to minister to others.
  • 00:23:46.150 --> 00:23:49.250
  • But for the one who thinks there's no hope, Lord,
  • 00:23:49.250 --> 00:23:52.030
  • I ask right now that you would help them understand
  • 00:23:52.030 --> 00:23:55.040
  • that you are hope, that you are life,
  • 00:23:55.040 --> 00:23:58.260
  • that you are truth and that you see them
  • 00:23:58.260 --> 00:24:01.270
  • and that you love them.
  • 00:24:01.270 --> 00:24:03.280
  • And I ask this in the beautiful, wonderful,
  • 00:24:03.280 --> 00:24:07.100
  • powerful name of Jesus.
  • 00:24:07.100 --> 00:24:09.240
  • Amen.
  • 00:24:10.230 --> 00:24:11.180
  • - [Announcer] You can call the number
  • 00:24:13.040 --> 00:24:14.190
  • on your screen right now to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:24:14.190 --> 00:24:17.010
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
  • 00:24:17.010 --> 00:24:20.220
  • We love you, but most importantly, Jesus loves you.
  • 00:24:20.220 --> 00:24:23.220
  • - My biggest takeaway from today's conversations
  • 00:24:25.040 --> 00:24:28.020
  • is just the recognition that no matter what we all look like
  • 00:24:28.020 --> 00:24:33.020
  • we all have trauma.
  • 00:24:33.240 --> 00:24:35.100
  • There's something that has happened
  • 00:24:35.100 --> 00:24:36.200
  • to every single one of us
  • 00:24:36.200 --> 00:24:38.120
  • that has changed the way that we see the world,
  • 00:24:38.120 --> 00:24:41.180
  • it's changed the way that we show up in the world.
  • 00:24:41.180 --> 00:24:44.000
  • I think it's changed our understanding of who we are.
  • 00:24:44.000 --> 00:24:48.210
  • And as I was sitting in this circle of women
  • 00:24:48.210 --> 00:24:51.150
  • who are so powerful and so dynamic,
  • 00:24:51.150 --> 00:24:53.260
  • and hearing everyone's stories,
  • 00:24:53.260 --> 00:24:55.220
  • it just reemphasized to me that fact
  • 00:24:55.220 --> 00:24:58.030
  • that we are all united by pain
  • 00:24:58.030 --> 00:25:02.030
  • and yet we are all ignited by purpose.
  • 00:25:02.030 --> 00:25:06.030
  • So for me, it becomes the realization
  • 00:25:06.030 --> 00:25:08.220
  • that we all have part
  • 00:25:08.220 --> 00:25:10.260
  • in this tapestry of the story of humanity.
  • 00:25:10.260 --> 00:25:14.080
  • I am so grateful for the women I was able
  • 00:25:14.080 --> 00:25:17.000
  • to listen to today, learn from today,
  • 00:25:17.000 --> 00:25:19.240
  • because they are all overcomers
  • 00:25:19.240 --> 00:25:22.140
  • through the word of their testimony
  • 00:25:22.140 --> 00:25:24.210
  • and I'm just grateful to have been
  • 00:25:24.210 --> 00:25:26.080
  • included in the conversation.
  • 00:25:26.080 --> 00:25:28.100
  • - [Announcer] You can stream "Better Together"
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  • episodes on the go.
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  • Download the TBN app
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  • to watch all of our latest conversations.
  • 00:25:32.140 --> 00:25:34.220
  • Here's what's coming up next on "Better Together".
  • 00:25:36.280 --> 00:25:39.250
  • - When it comes to soul ties, it manifested in my bedroom.
  • 00:25:39.250 --> 00:25:43.250
  • So these images, these flashbacks of childhood,
  • 00:25:43.250 --> 00:25:47.110
  • things that happened to me would revisit
  • 00:25:47.110 --> 00:25:50.130
  • in the middle of an intimate moment.
  • 00:25:50.130 --> 00:25:52.290
  • - [Announcer] Watch "Better Together" weekdays
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  • and Tuesday nights only on TBN.
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