Marriage Myths | Better Together | TBN

Marriage Myths | Better Together

Watch Marriage Myths | Better Together
November 11, 2019
26:47

We're debunking common misconceptions and discussing reality of married life. | TBN Prayer Line: 1-888-731-1000

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Marriage Myths | Better Together

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  • - Marriage will complete you.
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  • My spouse will control me.
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  • It's time to confront myths,
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  • and set the record straight about marriage.
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  • Come on and join us.
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  • (vocalizing)
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  • - When I first met my husband I was 23.
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  • And he was 18.
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  • (gasping) - Oh Diana!
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  • - Cougar.
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  • (laughing)
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  • - And if I can preface this,
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  • that I never saw him until he saw me.
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  • And he was an intern in our church
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  • so I was not rocking the cradle.
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  • (laughing)
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  • But at the same time he was the one
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  • that was pursuing me.
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  • So we were in the same choir,
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  • I got saved in this church
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  • and he was an intern,
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  • and this was his family's church.
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  • His cousin's church.
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  • It was not only a church plant,
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  • but a place we grew in faith.
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  • So he had a history of faith,
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  • five generations on both sides
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  • as far as a strong faith and family
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  • and all of that.
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  • And people in ministry.
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  • Where I came to faith there,
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  • and I was just minding my own business.
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  • And so I will never forget being a part
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  • of a cell group,
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  • a small group,
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  • and there was a heavier-set man
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  • that always was sweating,
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  • and you know,
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  • with the little hand-held fan
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  • and always fanning himself.
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  • So my husband just happened to be
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  • at this small group,
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  • and he was just checking out,
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  • and that was his roll of visiting
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  • some of these small groups.
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  • And so I happened to be there and for me,
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  • when I came to faith in Jesus,
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  • I cut all my hair.
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  • I had long long hair,
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  • cut it all off,
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  • I was like puritanical,
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  • I wore sweats and just,
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  • you know had this feeling of being almost like a nun,
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  • a spiritual nun.
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  • - In sweats.
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  • - Yes exactly! (laughing)
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  • Just...
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  • me, myself, and I.
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  • And I was in love with the Lord,
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  • and I just wanted to serve Him.
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  • And he happened to be there.
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  • And so he asked me out for coffee,
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  • he didn't drink coffee,
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  • so we ended up going to the local Denny's.
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  • - There went the nun part.
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  • - Yeah. (laughing)
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  • Yes.
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  • And I had coffee,
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  • and that's what normally you would do,
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  • especially coming from a university background.
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  • So to make the long story short,
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  • one thing led to another,
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  • and I asked him,
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  • what are your intentions?
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  • I'm just here,
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  • I'm having coffee,
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  • it's obvious you're having tea.
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  • You don't drink coffee.
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  • I've been tricked.
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  • What are your intentions?
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  • And he says,
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  • I wanna have a family,
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  • and I wanna get married.
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  • And that was him from the get go.
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  • - Just went straight for it. - He went straight for it.
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  • So after years have gone by,
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  • two years courting,
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  • all of that.
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  • We got married.
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  • I had this illusion of what marriage would be like.
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  • Marriage would be like the doting wife,
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  • the little white picket fence.
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  • Having children,
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  • just focusing on him.
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  • Well after we got married,
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  • it was not that.
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  • We invested in a house that we were gonna flip,
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  • in order to get into the market.
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  • It wasn't a flip,
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  • it was a slow roll.
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  • And so he was not mechanically inclined,
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  • he's not a repairman,
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  • so what became a flip,
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  • was a slow roll of two years.
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  • So building the house,
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  • along with building a marriage,
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  • along with the first child.
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  • And right there from the get go,
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  • we were two different people.
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  • - Yeah.
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  • - So he comes from a different mindset
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  • of family that never argued in front of him.
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  • Versus someone like me,
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  • who comes from a family that's just very ethnic,
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  • very Spanish,
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  • very loud,
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  • very handsy,
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  • very--
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  • - Expressive.
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  • - Expressive.
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  • And in a family that's large,
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  • you have to fight to get your voice in.
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  • So two different cultures,
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  • two different backgrounds.
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  • So I came in with the mindset of marriage,
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  • like Disney raised me,
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  • so I thought it was gonna be happily ever after.
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  • When it was not so.
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  • Marriage is work.
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  • - So many times singles can look at marriage
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  • and think that it's going to be the answer
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  • for all their problems.
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  • That I will marry my prince charming,
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  • I will live my fairy tale,
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  • and have the happily ever after.
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  • The reality can be quite different from that.
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  • And for someone who has been married before,
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  • that marriage ended quite surprising for myself,
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  • and now in a season where I'm preparing
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  • to get married again,
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  • I think I'm entering this marriage
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  • with eyes wide open,
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  • well aware,
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  • both of the great benefits of marriage,
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  • but also of the challenges that can come up.
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  • So I think it's really important
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  • that whether you've been married before,
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  • and preparing to get married again,
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  • or as someone who is single and preparing
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  • to get married for the first time,
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  • that you go in,
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  • really asking the difficult questions.
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  • - The first three years was like H-E-double hockey sticks.
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  • Hell. (laughing)
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  • It was just hard.
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  • And that's what we discovered,
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  • that we were two different people,
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  • two different backgrounds,
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  • trying to blend together as one unit,
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  • and instead,
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  • the blending became two mack trucks coming together,
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  • and just trying to build a life together.
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  • So I think I came in with just a different mindset
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  • of what marriage looked like.
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  • I thought he was gonna entertain me.
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  • I thought he was gonna fill my days.
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  • I thought I was gonna make him happy,
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  • but instead,
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  • you know it was hard.
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  • Me slamming doors,
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  • or getting into an argument.
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  • Or you don't understand me!
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  • Where he would get frustrated at my tears,
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  • like what's wrong with you?
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  • I thought you were gonna be a happy woman.
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  • You know marriage was different for me.
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  • - So a lot of myths,
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  • a lot of things that we think we're going into marriage,
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  • that is not truth,
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  • can kind of shock us after we're into it.
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  • - Oh yeah.
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  • You know I definitely was like you.
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  • I actually didn't really think
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  • about having to work at marriage.
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  • I didn't know that I ever saw my mom
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  • and dad argue.
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  • I know they must have had differences,
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  • but I didn't see that.
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  • So I assumed going in,
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  • that it would be easy. - Like that.
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  • - When I did hit walls,
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  • when we did hit walls,
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  • I thought something was wrong with me.
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  • Because I had not seen it.
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  • You know there's a fine line between
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  • do you let your kids see,
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  • or do you not let them see.
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  • And I remember one time we were having a disagreement,
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  • and my kids saw it,
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  • and I could see my kids were upset
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  • so I went to them,
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  • and I said,
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  • do you ever have disagreements with your friends?
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  • Do you ever fight with your friends?
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  • And they said yes.
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  • And I said well mommy and daddy are having a disagreement,
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  • we love each other,
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  • but we disagree,
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  • and we'll still be there together,
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  • but we have to work through this.
  • 00:07:12.020 --> 00:07:14.210
  • Because I didn't see that.
  • 00:07:14.210 --> 00:07:16.030
  • And I think that in one way,
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  • maybe hurt me a little bit.
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  • Because I was ill-prepared.
  • 00:07:19.210 --> 00:07:21.240
  • And I read a lot of romances book.
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  • (laughing)
  • 00:07:23.290 --> 00:07:26.110
  • And it wasn't like that at all.
  • 00:07:26.110 --> 00:07:28.210
  • You know when I got married,
  • 00:07:28.210 --> 00:07:30.260
  • I really didn't have a clue of what marriage was all about.
  • 00:07:30.260 --> 00:07:34.230
  • I'd read a lot of romances as a little girl
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  • and so I had the mindset like a lot
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  • of young girls would
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  • that it's a happily ever after.
  • 00:07:45.140 --> 00:07:47.020
  • It's the young man that comes and rescues you,
  • 00:07:47.020 --> 00:07:51.030
  • and takes you off into a glorious place.
  • 00:07:51.030 --> 00:07:53.110
  • And that was really a myth.
  • 00:07:53.110 --> 00:07:55.130
  • I had no idea how much work would be involved.
  • 00:07:55.130 --> 00:07:58.280
  • And I didn't really know how to do marriage.
  • 00:07:58.280 --> 00:08:01.230
  • But God's grace was with us through the process.
  • 00:08:01.230 --> 00:08:04.220
  • And it was many many years of just working together,
  • 00:08:04.220 --> 00:08:08.100
  • and trying to find a fit that works for both of us.
  • 00:08:08.100 --> 00:08:11.020
  • It was a take and give.
  • 00:08:11.020 --> 00:08:13.130
  • But there was a lot that I didn't understand about marriage.
  • 00:08:13.130 --> 00:08:17.070
  • I was pretty young and naive,
  • 00:08:17.070 --> 00:08:18.190
  • but man I'm glad I stayed the course.
  • 00:08:18.190 --> 00:08:22.030
  • - So I think one of the biggest myths,
  • 00:08:22.030 --> 00:08:24.100
  • is that you complete each other.
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  • Or that you find your soulmate,
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  • and he's just the perfect fit.
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  • But I think your marriage is a day-to-day,
  • 00:08:32.140 --> 00:08:35.150
  • becoming one.
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  • And then two shall become one.
  • 00:08:36.230 --> 00:08:40.150
  • I don't think you marry your soulmate,
  • 00:08:40.150 --> 00:08:43.020
  • I think you make your soulmate.
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  • And that's years of...
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  • Not 50-50 but 100 and 100 coming together.
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  • And in the business world,
  • 00:08:53.080 --> 00:08:55.240
  • we all know what a merger looks like.
  • 00:08:55.240 --> 00:08:57.260
  • So when you merge two companies together,
  • 00:08:59.010 --> 00:09:02.090
  • they seem to figure--
  • 00:09:02.090 --> 00:09:03.160
  • all of a sudden everything becomes one,
  • 00:09:03.160 --> 00:09:06.170
  • and you don't have two separate units,
  • 00:09:06.170 --> 00:09:09.060
  • but you merge together.
  • 00:09:09.060 --> 00:09:12.000
  • - And so how to approach the marriage,
  • 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:14.180
  • individually,
  • 00:09:14.180 --> 00:09:15.250
  • and becoming one,
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  • that takes a lifetime.
  • 00:09:16.230 --> 00:09:18.090
  • And we're still working it out.
  • 00:09:18.090 --> 00:09:20.000
  • 21 years.
  • 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:21.110
  • We love each other,
  • 00:09:21.110 --> 00:09:22.090
  • we have four wonderful children,
  • 00:09:22.090 --> 00:09:24.060
  • and we still like each other,
  • 00:09:24.060 --> 00:09:25.250
  • but at the same time,
  • 00:09:25.250 --> 00:09:27.030
  • we're still trying to figure each other out.
  • 00:09:27.030 --> 00:09:29.030
  • So the older you get,
  • 00:09:29.030 --> 00:09:30.090
  • you're still learning about your spouse.
  • 00:09:30.090 --> 00:09:32.240
  • And she won't be the same person,
  • 00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:34.280
  • and he won't be the same man.
  • 00:09:34.280 --> 00:09:36.270
  • And so as you're growing in the marriage,
  • 00:09:36.270 --> 00:09:38.250
  • you're growing too.
  • 00:09:38.250 --> 00:09:41.030
  • So you're not only growing in love,
  • 00:09:41.030 --> 00:09:43.030
  • but you're growing in connectivity.
  • 00:09:43.030 --> 00:09:44.290
  • So it's always something new,
  • 00:09:44.290 --> 00:09:47.000
  • it's always fresh,
  • 00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:48.270
  • but at the same time,
  • 00:09:48.270 --> 00:09:50.070
  • it forces you to be on your A-game.
  • 00:09:50.070 --> 00:09:52.100
  • There's no reason to slack in your relationship.
  • 00:09:52.100 --> 00:09:55.080
  • - I relate to the fairy tale,
  • 00:09:56.230 --> 00:10:00.230
  • but I think I had a Christian fairy tale.
  • 00:10:00.230 --> 00:10:03.150
  • Because I didn't grow up in church,
  • 00:10:03.150 --> 00:10:07.150
  • but my grandparents were pastors.
  • 00:10:07.150 --> 00:10:09.060
  • So my dad and mom were kinda hippies,
  • 00:10:09.060 --> 00:10:12.110
  • and kind of not really churchified people.
  • 00:10:12.110 --> 00:10:16.060
  • So when I became a Christian,
  • 00:10:16.060 --> 00:10:18.060
  • I was the only Christian in my house.
  • 00:10:18.060 --> 00:10:20.120
  • So I read everything I could
  • 00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:21.240
  • about Christian this,
  • 00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:23.070
  • Christian marriage,
  • 00:10:23.070 --> 00:10:24.020
  • Christian dating,
  • 00:10:24.020 --> 00:10:24.270
  • Christian...
  • 00:10:24.270 --> 00:10:26.000
  • And I think my fantasy,
  • 00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:29.070
  • was that if I married in the will of God,
  • 00:10:29.070 --> 00:10:32.000
  • everything would be perfect.
  • 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:33.150
  • And so I prayed for a husband,
  • 00:10:33.150 --> 00:10:36.070
  • I heard you say you did that.
  • 00:10:36.070 --> 00:10:37.230
  • I was about 17 and started praying for my husband.
  • 00:10:37.230 --> 00:10:40.260
  • And then when I got him,
  • 00:10:40.260 --> 00:10:42.210
  • he was also younger,
  • 00:10:42.210 --> 00:10:44.100
  • not what I expected,
  • 00:10:44.100 --> 00:10:46.090
  • I swore I'd never marry an athlete,
  • 00:10:46.090 --> 00:10:47.250
  • I married an athlete. (laughing)
  • 00:10:47.250 --> 00:10:49.110
  • I swore I would never marry somebody--
  • 00:10:49.110 --> 00:10:51.230
  • well I won't go into all that.
  • 00:10:51.230 --> 00:10:52.280
  • (laughing)
  • 00:10:52.280 --> 00:10:55.020
  • - Oh do!
  • 00:10:55.020 --> 00:10:55.270
  • - But my belief that oh God brought us together,
  • 00:10:57.040 --> 00:11:02.020
  • so we're gonna be fine.
  • 00:11:02.240 --> 00:11:04.140
  • - My daddy and my mom had me pray
  • 00:11:04.140 --> 00:11:06.080
  • for my husband,
  • 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:07.150
  • my spouse.
  • 00:11:07.150 --> 00:11:08.230
  • By the time I was 'bout eleven years old.
  • 00:11:08.230 --> 00:11:10.260
  • And I remember going through my life every night,
  • 00:11:10.260 --> 00:11:14.260
  • and it didn't matter what time it was,
  • 00:11:14.260 --> 00:11:19.000
  • it didn't matter if I had already fallen asleep
  • 00:11:19.000 --> 00:11:21.210
  • and then woke up,
  • 00:11:21.210 --> 00:11:22.230
  • or anything.
  • 00:11:22.230 --> 00:11:23.180
  • I prayed for my spouse.
  • 00:11:23.180 --> 00:11:26.000
  • And I just prayed that God would bless him.
  • 00:11:26.000 --> 00:11:28.040
  • That God would make him just for me,
  • 00:11:28.040 --> 00:11:29.270
  • that God would bless him in every area of his life,
  • 00:11:29.270 --> 00:11:32.150
  • and to keep him for me.
  • 00:11:32.150 --> 00:11:34.040
  • And if that's all I got out,
  • 00:11:34.040 --> 00:11:35.220
  • I said it every day.
  • 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:37.120
  • And I remember when Matt and I got married,
  • 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:41.150
  • things kinda looked like...
  • 00:11:43.060 --> 00:11:44.270
  • I was gonna have to wear the spiritual pants of the family.
  • 00:11:46.180 --> 00:11:49.280
  • And I remember all the things that I had prayed,
  • 00:11:52.090 --> 00:11:56.130
  • that I thought I needed,
  • 00:11:56.130 --> 00:11:57.200
  • I didn't necessarily write out a list
  • 00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:59.100
  • like a lot of people do,
  • 00:11:59.100 --> 00:12:01.060
  • I just knew God had the right one for me,
  • 00:12:01.060 --> 00:12:03.070
  • and that that would work out some day.
  • 00:12:03.070 --> 00:12:05.080
  • I remember though that not all
  • 00:12:07.060 --> 00:12:09.010
  • of my prayers were answered,
  • 00:12:09.010 --> 00:12:10.150
  • the way I prayed it.
  • 00:12:10.150 --> 00:12:12.090
  • But you know what?
  • 00:12:12.090 --> 00:12:13.230
  • God knew better for me what He wanted me to have.
  • 00:12:13.230 --> 00:12:17.080
  • - So my initial experience,
  • 00:12:17.100 --> 00:12:19.080
  • like the first two or three years of marriage,
  • 00:12:19.080 --> 00:12:20.200
  • though it was tough,
  • 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:23.080
  • I had a strong belief I had married the right person.
  • 00:12:23.080 --> 00:12:26.210
  • So I held onto that.
  • 00:12:26.210 --> 00:12:28.240
  • But there's still choices to be made.
  • 00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:31.240
  • So my best example is God called Saul
  • 00:12:31.240 --> 00:12:34.110
  • and he also called David.
  • 00:12:34.110 --> 00:12:36.140
  • So the call still has to be fulfilled
  • 00:12:36.140 --> 00:12:39.140
  • by an obedient person.
  • 00:12:39.140 --> 00:12:41.010
  • And you can be called and then not take it all the way
  • 00:12:41.010 --> 00:12:44.230
  • to it's expected end.
  • 00:12:44.230 --> 00:12:46.280
  • And so,
  • 00:12:46.280 --> 00:12:48.210
  • I got into a point where I started to realize,
  • 00:12:48.210 --> 00:12:52.190
  • that just because God was in our marriage
  • 00:12:53.250 --> 00:12:56.040
  • and just because God had even called us,
  • 00:12:56.040 --> 00:12:58.240
  • didn't mean we didn't have a responsibility
  • 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:01.230
  • to work the work.
  • 00:13:01.230 --> 00:13:04.010
  • You know like you say,
  • 00:13:04.010 --> 00:13:05.130
  • to understand the principles of the word of God,
  • 00:13:05.130 --> 00:13:07.290
  • of getting along in relationships.
  • 00:13:07.290 --> 00:13:10.150
  • Walking in love.
  • 00:13:10.150 --> 00:13:11.180
  • Biblical love.
  • 00:13:11.180 --> 00:13:13.220
  • And so I just kept waiting for him to be this image
  • 00:13:13.220 --> 00:13:17.280
  • that I had.
  • 00:13:17.280 --> 00:13:19.050
  • And then,
  • 00:13:19.050 --> 00:13:20.080
  • this image of a Christian man.
  • 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:22.100
  • I had a perfect image of a Christian man,
  • 00:13:22.100 --> 00:13:24.090
  • like he would pray all day with me.
  • 00:13:24.090 --> 00:13:26.040
  • Or he would you know.
  • 00:13:26.040 --> 00:13:28.010
  • And my husband's like,
  • 00:13:28.010 --> 00:13:29.290
  • I don't got time for that.
  • 00:13:29.290 --> 00:13:31.090
  • (laughing)
  • 00:13:31.090 --> 00:13:32.220
  • And I spent a lot of years being disappointed,
  • 00:13:32.220 --> 00:13:36.150
  • because my husband wasn't Christian enough.
  • 00:13:36.150 --> 00:13:39.250
  • You know?
  • 00:13:39.250 --> 00:13:41.200
  • And now I see exactly why God gave me the husband I have.
  • 00:13:41.200 --> 00:13:46.140
  • (soft music)
  • 00:13:46.140 --> 00:13:49.030
  • - We want you to join the conversation.
  • 00:13:49.030 --> 00:13:51.030
  • - Connect with us on social media
  • 00:13:51.030 --> 00:13:52.210
  • and let's get better together.
  • 00:13:52.210 --> 00:13:54.000
  • (soft music)
  • 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:56.290
  • - So I think social media can play a huge roll
  • 00:13:56.290 --> 00:13:59.200
  • in creating myths about marriages.
  • 00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:02.210
  • I think it can really show that marriage
  • 00:14:02.210 --> 00:14:06.060
  • will answer all your problems,
  • 00:14:06.060 --> 00:14:08.200
  • that it's a fairy tale,
  • 00:14:08.200 --> 00:14:11.030
  • and that you won't have any difficulties
  • 00:14:11.030 --> 00:14:14.080
  • when you're married.
  • 00:14:14.080 --> 00:14:15.160
  • And certainly while marriage is amazing,
  • 00:14:15.160 --> 00:14:18.050
  • and it's fun,
  • 00:14:18.050 --> 00:14:20.070
  • I think if we just look at social media
  • 00:14:20.070 --> 00:14:24.010
  • as a guide to marriage,
  • 00:14:24.010 --> 00:14:25.130
  • which it's not.
  • 00:14:25.130 --> 00:14:26.200
  • Certainly not a good thing to do.
  • 00:14:26.200 --> 00:14:28.050
  • I think it can set someone up to think
  • 00:14:28.050 --> 00:14:30.150
  • that there won't be any problems.
  • 00:14:30.150 --> 00:14:32.020
  • However,
  • 00:14:32.020 --> 00:14:32.270
  • in the early years of marriage,
  • 00:14:33.290 --> 00:14:35.160
  • especially those expectations
  • 00:14:35.160 --> 00:14:38.230
  • of what someone thought marriage might be like,
  • 00:14:38.230 --> 00:14:41.160
  • are often unmet,
  • 00:14:41.160 --> 00:14:43.030
  • and the person can be left feeling quite disappointed.
  • 00:14:43.030 --> 00:14:45.200
  • And so I think it's really important
  • 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:48.010
  • when preparing for marriage that you seek wise council.
  • 00:14:48.010 --> 00:14:52.160
  • - I reside with the philosophy of
  • 00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:55.250
  • when you have a problem,
  • 00:14:55.250 --> 00:14:57.090
  • sometimes you share it with your sisters,
  • 00:14:57.090 --> 00:14:59.080
  • you share it in the close circle.
  • 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:01.010
  • But it's always good to talk your problem up.
  • 00:15:01.010 --> 00:15:04.160
  • Because there's people that can help you.
  • 00:15:04.160 --> 00:15:06.250
  • There's some people that can just listen to you.
  • 00:15:06.250 --> 00:15:09.160
  • But then there's others that can really help you.
  • 00:15:09.160 --> 00:15:11.150
  • And sometimes you need someone just to listen to you.
  • 00:15:11.150 --> 00:15:13.280
  • 'Cause when you get stuff that's in the darkness
  • 00:15:13.280 --> 00:15:15.290
  • out in the light,
  • 00:15:15.290 --> 00:15:17.130
  • then it kind of takes the edge off of it.
  • 00:15:17.130 --> 00:15:20.170
  • But sometimes you need to be able to talk your problem up
  • 00:15:20.170 --> 00:15:23.030
  • to someone that can actually help you.
  • 00:15:23.030 --> 00:15:25.130
  • And I think getting help is such an amazing amazing thing.
  • 00:15:25.130 --> 00:15:29.130
  • That 41 years ago when I got married,
  • 00:15:29.130 --> 00:15:32.050
  • you didn't really do that.
  • 00:15:32.050 --> 00:15:34.020
  • And that would have helped me so much.
  • 00:15:34.020 --> 00:15:37.100
  • I remember a season,
  • 00:15:37.100 --> 00:15:38.250
  • you know we were in a pretty serious conflict
  • 00:15:38.250 --> 00:15:41.140
  • and we had two small babies at the time,
  • 00:15:41.140 --> 00:15:43.120
  • and we were living in Indiana,
  • 00:15:43.120 --> 00:15:46.180
  • and I thought I'm done.
  • 00:15:46.180 --> 00:15:48.120
  • I can't do this.
  • 00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:50.050
  • I don't know how to work through this.
  • 00:15:50.050 --> 00:15:51.160
  • And I thought I'm just goin' home.
  • 00:15:51.160 --> 00:15:53.100
  • And I called the airlines and I thought,
  • 00:15:53.100 --> 00:15:55.280
  • I'm gonna take the two kids and I'm goin' to California
  • 00:15:55.280 --> 00:15:58.130
  • and be with my dad.
  • 00:15:58.130 --> 00:15:59.290
  • I got on the phone and it was so expensive
  • 00:15:59.290 --> 00:16:01.290
  • to get airline ticket.
  • 00:16:01.290 --> 00:16:02.280
  • I thought-- (laughing)
  • 00:16:02.280 --> 00:16:04.040
  • And we didn't have many resource,
  • 00:16:04.040 --> 00:16:05.100
  • I thought I can't even buy a ticket home.
  • 00:16:05.100 --> 00:16:06.280
  • I have to stay here and work this out! (laughing)
  • 00:16:06.280 --> 00:16:10.030
  • Which was the best thing that ever could of happened to me.
  • 00:16:10.030 --> 00:16:13.270
  • You know you're committed and you just stay put
  • 00:16:13.270 --> 00:16:16.130
  • and you keep trying to find your way through it.
  • 00:16:16.130 --> 00:16:19.130
  • - I think deep within the heart
  • 00:16:19.130 --> 00:16:21.030
  • of every individual,
  • 00:16:21.030 --> 00:16:23.010
  • there is a longing for a true,
  • 00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.010
  • complete loving relationship
  • 00:16:26.010 --> 00:16:28.030
  • that is monogamous,
  • 00:16:28.030 --> 00:16:30.170
  • and that is eternal.
  • 00:16:30.170 --> 00:16:32.070
  • As much as we want to say we don't believe,
  • 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:36.130
  • I think we cherish and respect
  • 00:16:36.130 --> 00:16:39.090
  • and hope and secretly hope and long,
  • 00:16:39.090 --> 00:16:43.010
  • that there is such a thing.
  • 00:16:43.010 --> 00:16:44.250
  • Even if we think it's a fairy tale.
  • 00:16:44.250 --> 00:16:46.200
  • And I believe that speaks to the heart of man.
  • 00:16:48.010 --> 00:16:50.290
  • I believe it speaks to the way we know God.
  • 00:16:50.290 --> 00:16:55.010
  • But we don't know Him.
  • 00:16:55.010 --> 00:16:56.240
  • There's that inner peace,
  • 00:16:56.240 --> 00:16:58.080
  • that empty hole,
  • 00:16:58.080 --> 00:16:59.190
  • that searching and longing for something
  • 00:16:59.190 --> 00:17:02.090
  • that does not exist,
  • 00:17:02.090 --> 00:17:04.160
  • but yet we believe it must.
  • 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:07.000
  • Because if it did not exist,
  • 00:17:07.000 --> 00:17:08.160
  • we would have no longing for it.
  • 00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:10.180
  • And I would say to anyone who is cynical
  • 00:17:10.180 --> 00:17:13.270
  • about love in the millennial generation
  • 00:17:13.270 --> 00:17:16.290
  • or the Gen Z,
  • 00:17:16.290 --> 00:17:19.060
  • that all you have to do is look at love in other forms.
  • 00:17:19.060 --> 00:17:21.240
  • Would you ever say about your girlfriends,
  • 00:17:23.010 --> 00:17:26.150
  • well I won't be their friend forever.
  • 00:17:26.150 --> 00:17:28.160
  • - Marriage looks different for every single person.
  • 00:17:29.290 --> 00:17:33.190
  • And just because--
  • 00:17:33.190 --> 00:17:35.050
  • I mean I'm not a marriage counselor--
  • 00:17:35.050 --> 00:17:37.020
  • but the way it was for us,
  • 00:17:37.290 --> 00:17:41.220
  • is that...
  • 00:17:41.220 --> 00:17:43.210
  • it felt like destiny.
  • 00:17:43.210 --> 00:17:46.180
  • - Yeah. - When you get married,
  • 00:17:46.180 --> 00:17:48.130
  • that God has a plan for the two of you.
  • 00:17:48.130 --> 00:17:51.130
  • To become one and have a destiny
  • 00:17:52.260 --> 00:17:55.040
  • and a purpose.
  • 00:17:55.040 --> 00:17:56.100
  • And there was no backing out of that destiny.
  • 00:17:56.100 --> 00:17:59.230
  • 'Cause if you walked away,
  • 00:17:59.230 --> 00:18:01.260
  • you were walkin' away what God wanted,
  • 00:18:01.260 --> 00:18:04.260
  • and God's perfect will,
  • 00:18:04.260 --> 00:18:07.070
  • to be.
  • 00:18:07.070 --> 00:18:08.190
  • So I remember one day my mom said,
  • 00:18:08.190 --> 00:18:10.280
  • honey you gotta realize that all the feelings
  • 00:18:10.280 --> 00:18:13.120
  • of love and giddiness,
  • 00:18:13.120 --> 00:18:16.030
  • and wanting to always be together,
  • 00:18:16.030 --> 00:18:18.140
  • she said that feeling,
  • 00:18:18.140 --> 00:18:20.150
  • that giddy feeling,
  • 00:18:20.150 --> 00:18:22.000
  • she said it's not gonna last...
  • 00:18:22.000 --> 00:18:24.170
  • you're not gonna have that all the time.
  • 00:18:24.170 --> 00:18:26.140
  • Sometimes you're gonna wake up and not--
  • 00:18:26.140 --> 00:18:29.050
  • and I was just like really?
  • 00:18:29.050 --> 00:18:31.250
  • You know I could just not fathom
  • 00:18:31.250 --> 00:18:33.280
  • that you wouldn't just feel that,
  • 00:18:33.280 --> 00:18:36.100
  • oh it's so good to see you,
  • 00:18:36.100 --> 00:18:37.290
  • and that passion all the time.
  • 00:18:37.290 --> 00:18:39.250
  • Then one day,
  • 00:18:41.170 --> 00:18:43.020
  • I realized that I knew what my mom was talking about.
  • 00:18:43.020 --> 00:18:47.250
  • But I think that every day you grow,
  • 00:18:48.290 --> 00:18:51.220
  • that becoming one,
  • 00:18:53.220 --> 00:18:55.040
  • because marriage,
  • 00:18:55.040 --> 00:18:56.200
  • I think is the most beautiful thing in the whole wide world.
  • 00:18:56.200 --> 00:18:59.270
  • It was the thing that God,
  • 00:18:59.270 --> 00:19:02.180
  • when He made man and then He made woman,
  • 00:19:02.180 --> 00:19:05.250
  • He said this now,
  • 00:19:05.250 --> 00:19:07.230
  • is very good.
  • 00:19:07.230 --> 00:19:09.070
  • - My understanding of God's view for marriage,
  • 00:19:10.120 --> 00:19:14.120
  • was that it is of course number one,
  • 00:19:14.120 --> 00:19:17.000
  • a symbol of the family of God,
  • 00:19:17.000 --> 00:19:21.060
  • Christ in His church.
  • 00:19:21.060 --> 00:19:23.040
  • Even when you think about the Holy Trinity.
  • 00:19:24.080 --> 00:19:26.240
  • The fellowship of the Godhead.
  • 00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:29.140
  • It's a reflection of divine love.
  • 00:19:29.140 --> 00:19:32.130
  • And so when we talk about God created them male and female,
  • 00:19:32.130 --> 00:19:37.050
  • women are a reflection of God,
  • 00:19:37.050 --> 00:19:38.170
  • and men are a reflection of God.
  • 00:19:38.170 --> 00:19:40.070
  • But different sides.
  • 00:19:40.070 --> 00:19:41.190
  • So their unity,
  • 00:19:41.190 --> 00:19:43.150
  • and their purpose on the Earth,
  • 00:19:43.150 --> 00:19:46.100
  • was to basically fulfill the Kingdom of God on Earth.
  • 00:19:46.100 --> 00:19:51.100
  • And He told them to subdue,
  • 00:19:52.060 --> 00:19:53.040
  • and He gave them a mission.
  • 00:19:53.040 --> 00:19:54.010
  • So he got them together,
  • 00:19:54.010 --> 00:19:55.280
  • to enjoy each other,
  • 00:19:55.280 --> 00:19:57.130
  • and to fulfill a mission.
  • 00:19:57.130 --> 00:19:59.110
  • And that's the way I think I approached marriage
  • 00:19:59.110 --> 00:20:04.090
  • when I prayed,
  • 00:20:04.090 --> 00:20:05.140
  • I was like God,
  • 00:20:05.140 --> 00:20:06.290
  • I want someone that we can fulfill your will together,
  • 00:20:06.290 --> 00:20:10.190
  • we have a calling and a purpose.
  • 00:20:10.190 --> 00:20:13.000
  • And I do believe we're doing that.
  • 00:20:13.000 --> 00:20:15.010
  • And I think that if you only approach marriage
  • 00:20:15.010 --> 00:20:17.280
  • from the standpoint of,
  • 00:20:17.280 --> 00:20:19.150
  • I want to be happy,
  • 00:20:19.150 --> 00:20:20.220
  • or I want all my romantic fulfillment,
  • 00:20:20.220 --> 00:20:24.060
  • (laughing) - Yes.
  • 00:20:24.060 --> 00:20:25.120
  • - whatever that looks like for you,
  • 00:20:25.120 --> 00:20:27.170
  • I think you're missing the component of purpose
  • 00:20:27.170 --> 00:20:31.240
  • and destiny that God--
  • 00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:33.280
  • because think about it.
  • 00:20:33.280 --> 00:20:35.140
  • It's like if the two of you don't know where you're going,
  • 00:20:35.140 --> 00:20:38.060
  • there's kind of a lack of direction to your life in general.
  • 00:20:38.060 --> 00:20:43.050
  • And it's so important that,
  • 00:20:44.020 --> 00:20:45.290
  • people ask me all the time,
  • 00:20:45.290 --> 00:20:48.120
  • how did you guys make it so long?
  • 00:20:48.120 --> 00:20:50.220
  • I believe with all my heart,
  • 00:20:50.220 --> 00:20:53.080
  • that there two choices I made that were good.
  • 00:20:53.080 --> 00:20:57.010
  • I followed Jesus,
  • 00:20:57.010 --> 00:20:58.140
  • and I surrendered to Jesus,
  • 00:20:58.140 --> 00:21:00.210
  • my choice for husband.
  • 00:21:00.210 --> 00:21:02.290
  • I told God that I wanted what he wanted for me.
  • 00:21:02.290 --> 00:21:06.110
  • I did have a list.
  • 00:21:07.170 --> 00:21:08.160
  • (laughing)
  • 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:10.290
  • My list was really long.
  • 00:21:10.290 --> 00:21:13.210
  • And He told me,
  • 00:21:13.210 --> 00:21:14.260
  • narrow that down.
  • 00:21:14.260 --> 00:21:16.220
  • 'Cause I'm not gonna come down from heaven and marry you.
  • 00:21:16.220 --> 00:21:18.250
  • (laughing)
  • 00:21:18.250 --> 00:21:21.170
  • - You can't have me.
  • 00:21:21.170 --> 00:21:23.070
  • - He said I love you but,
  • 00:21:23.070 --> 00:21:25.050
  • I have a wife okay?
  • 00:21:25.050 --> 00:21:26.040
  • You need someone earthly,
  • 00:21:26.040 --> 00:21:29.040
  • so narrow it down to the basics,
  • 00:21:29.040 --> 00:21:31.100
  • and I got exactly that.
  • 00:21:31.100 --> 00:21:33.170
  • I still believe,
  • 00:21:33.170 --> 00:21:35.020
  • with everything I've gone through in my marriage,
  • 00:21:35.020 --> 00:21:37.110
  • that my husband was God's choice for me to this day.
  • 00:21:37.110 --> 00:21:41.200
  • And I believe in the destiny we have together.
  • 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.210
  • And that to me is such a tremendous glue.
  • 00:21:44.210 --> 00:21:49.050
  • It keeps you from quitting,
  • 00:21:49.050 --> 00:21:51.030
  • keeps you from failing,
  • 00:21:51.030 --> 00:21:52.130
  • and then you have the Holy Spirit inside you saying,
  • 00:21:54.190 --> 00:21:58.110
  • keep going,
  • 00:21:58.110 --> 00:21:59.090
  • say you're sorry,
  • 00:21:59.090 --> 00:22:00.190
  • walk in love,
  • 00:22:00.190 --> 00:22:01.130
  • buy him a car.
  • 00:22:01.130 --> 00:22:03.040
  • (laughing)
  • 00:22:03.040 --> 00:22:04.120
  • The spirit of the Lord is with you,
  • 00:22:04.120 --> 00:22:06.060
  • helping you live this life out.
  • 00:22:06.060 --> 00:22:08.130
  • And I believe then that takes us back full circle,
  • 00:22:10.240 --> 00:22:14.190
  • to the real meaning of life itself,
  • 00:22:14.190 --> 00:22:17.120
  • is enjoying God,
  • 00:22:17.120 --> 00:22:19.020
  • replicating His glory here on the Earth,
  • 00:22:19.020 --> 00:22:22.090
  • and enjoying that love that He has within Himself.
  • 00:22:22.090 --> 00:22:27.010
  • And we're a reflection of that love.
  • 00:22:27.010 --> 00:22:28.270
  • - I love what you say about purpose.
  • 00:22:30.030 --> 00:22:31.100
  • One exercise that I would do with couples
  • 00:22:31.100 --> 00:22:33.220
  • in marriage therapy would be to get them to come up
  • 00:22:33.220 --> 00:22:36.130
  • with what's our marriage vision.
  • 00:22:36.130 --> 00:22:38.130
  • Where are we wanting to take our marriage,
  • 00:22:38.130 --> 00:22:40.140
  • our family.
  • 00:22:40.140 --> 00:22:41.190
  • Without a vision,
  • 00:22:41.190 --> 00:22:42.220
  • the people perish.
  • 00:22:42.220 --> 00:22:44.080
  • So to sit down and write out our vision for our marriage,
  • 00:22:44.080 --> 00:22:48.050
  • is this this and this.
  • 00:22:48.050 --> 00:22:49.210
  • And to prayerfully consider that.
  • 00:22:49.210 --> 00:22:51.030
  • - That's powerful. - And keep that
  • 00:22:51.030 --> 00:22:52.060
  • before your eyes.
  • 00:22:52.060 --> 00:22:53.270
  • - God is for your marriage.
  • 00:22:53.270 --> 00:22:55.140
  • You never married your enemy,
  • 00:22:55.140 --> 00:22:56.260
  • you didn't say I do to your worst enemy
  • 00:22:56.260 --> 00:22:59.130
  • who was a villain in your world.
  • 00:22:59.130 --> 00:23:00.280
  • No.
  • 00:23:00.280 --> 00:23:02.050
  • You married the love of your life.
  • 00:23:02.050 --> 00:23:03.130
  • And you have to rekindle those feelings.
  • 00:23:03.130 --> 00:23:05.180
  • So just pray with me.
  • 00:23:05.180 --> 00:23:07.000
  • Lord Jesus,
  • 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:08.070
  • I just pray for the woman that is watching
  • 00:23:08.070 --> 00:23:10.230
  • on the other side of this screen.
  • 00:23:10.230 --> 00:23:13.080
  • That you will give her the wisdom
  • 00:23:13.080 --> 00:23:15.230
  • and the insight,
  • 00:23:15.230 --> 00:23:17.080
  • the joy and to reminisce the memories of her marriage.
  • 00:23:17.080 --> 00:23:21.280
  • Reminisce about how she met him,
  • 00:23:21.280 --> 00:23:25.090
  • and especially for the gentleman that's watching,
  • 00:23:25.090 --> 00:23:27.130
  • how he met her,
  • 00:23:27.130 --> 00:23:29.200
  • and also for the memories of the courtship,
  • 00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:32.280
  • to the dates,
  • 00:23:32.280 --> 00:23:34.070
  • to the little Starbucks run,
  • 00:23:34.070 --> 00:23:36.070
  • to hey why don't you just hang with me,
  • 00:23:36.070 --> 00:23:38.170
  • why don't you take a drive with me,
  • 00:23:38.170 --> 00:23:40.030
  • why don't you come with me,
  • 00:23:40.030 --> 00:23:41.250
  • you know just rekindle those memories, Lord.
  • 00:23:41.250 --> 00:23:44.130
  • Of how they met,
  • 00:23:44.130 --> 00:23:45.110
  • how they courted each other,
  • 00:23:45.110 --> 00:23:47.000
  • how they got to know each other,
  • 00:23:47.000 --> 00:23:48.200
  • how they used to dress up for each other,
  • 00:23:48.200 --> 00:23:50.250
  • how they used to take a shower
  • 00:23:50.250 --> 00:23:52.100
  • and wear perfume and that cologne,
  • 00:23:52.100 --> 00:23:54.250
  • just to attract her or him.
  • 00:23:54.250 --> 00:23:57.230
  • Lord just rekindle those memories of love,
  • 00:23:57.230 --> 00:24:01.020
  • the fondness,
  • 00:24:01.020 --> 00:24:01.270
  • the companionship,
  • 00:24:01.270 --> 00:24:02.290
  • the respect,
  • 00:24:02.290 --> 00:24:04.090
  • how they used to sit on the front room
  • 00:24:04.090 --> 00:24:05.270
  • and listen to their spouse,
  • 00:24:05.270 --> 00:24:07.100
  • or sit across from their spouse
  • 00:24:07.100 --> 00:24:09.130
  • and see the things that they love,
  • 00:24:09.130 --> 00:24:12.270
  • that we're passionate about,
  • 00:24:12.270 --> 00:24:14.030
  • that they're still leaning in
  • 00:24:14.030 --> 00:24:15.290
  • and listening to their dreams,
  • 00:24:15.290 --> 00:24:17.080
  • and not getting tired.
  • 00:24:17.080 --> 00:24:19.030
  • And after the kids are grown,
  • 00:24:19.030 --> 00:24:20.240
  • and after you age a little bit,
  • 00:24:20.240 --> 00:24:23.030
  • the wrinkles around their eyes,
  • 00:24:23.030 --> 00:24:24.200
  • and the wrinkles around their mouth,
  • 00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:26.190
  • and Lord maybe some hard times have hit them.
  • 00:24:26.190 --> 00:24:29.070
  • Lord I just pray that you give them just the first love.
  • 00:24:29.070 --> 00:24:33.050
  • Remember the first love.
  • 00:24:33.050 --> 00:24:34.190
  • - [Laurie] You can call the number on your screen right now,
  • 00:24:36.010 --> 00:24:37.250
  • to talk to a prayer partner.
  • 00:24:37.250 --> 00:24:39.130
  • We're here for you 24 hours a day,
  • 00:24:39.130 --> 00:24:41.230
  • seven days a week.
  • 00:24:41.230 --> 00:24:43.040
  • We love you but most importantly,
  • 00:24:43.040 --> 00:24:45.010
  • Jesus loves you.
  • 00:24:45.010 --> 00:24:46.010
  • (soft music)
  • 00:24:46.010 --> 00:24:48.130
  • - We didn't have a limo,
  • 00:24:48.130 --> 00:24:50.090
  • or a fancy car to take us from our wedding,
  • 00:24:50.090 --> 00:24:54.010
  • to our honeymoon venue which was really a bed
  • 00:24:54.010 --> 00:24:56.290
  • and breakfast like down the street.
  • 00:24:56.290 --> 00:24:59.120
  • So on our wedding video,
  • 00:24:59.120 --> 00:25:02.010
  • you can see my husband,
  • 00:25:02.010 --> 00:25:04.010
  • come back into the reception,
  • 00:25:04.010 --> 00:25:06.010
  • and pick me up and throw me over his shoulder,
  • 00:25:06.010 --> 00:25:09.070
  • to take me to the car,
  • 00:25:09.070 --> 00:25:11.080
  • like he's carrying me over his shoulder,
  • 00:25:11.080 --> 00:25:14.080
  • and I'm waving goodbye to people
  • 00:25:14.080 --> 00:25:16.070
  • like thanks for coming!
  • 00:25:16.070 --> 00:25:17.160
  • Thanks for the gift!
  • 00:25:17.160 --> 00:25:19.000
  • And he puts me in the car like he had to kidnap his bride
  • 00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:22.110
  • on the wedding night,
  • 00:25:22.110 --> 00:25:23.110
  • 'cause I was too busy socializing
  • 00:25:23.110 --> 00:25:25.220
  • with all my guests.
  • 00:25:25.220 --> 00:25:27.100
  • - That day,
  • 00:25:28.070 --> 00:25:29.140
  • my bridesmaids were already on their way,
  • 00:25:29.140 --> 00:25:31.120
  • and I was there stuck waiting for Uncle Paul
  • 00:25:31.120 --> 00:25:33.270
  • to pick me up.
  • 00:25:33.270 --> 00:25:35.020
  • 20 minutes pass,
  • 00:25:35.020 --> 00:25:36.170
  • 30 minutes pass,
  • 00:25:36.170 --> 00:25:38.020
  • 35 minutes have passed,
  • 00:25:38.020 --> 00:25:40.070
  • no one showed up.
  • 00:25:40.070 --> 00:25:41.160
  • And so we hunted down through the phone line,
  • 00:25:41.160 --> 00:25:44.160
  • where's Uncle Paul,
  • 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:45.110
  • where's Uncle Paul.
  • 00:25:45.110 --> 00:25:46.180
  • And finally we got ahold of Uncle Paul,
  • 00:25:46.180 --> 00:25:48.020
  • and he said honey,
  • 00:25:48.020 --> 00:25:49.040
  • I'm so sorry!
  • 00:25:49.040 --> 00:25:50.120
  • I'm here at the wedding venue.
  • 00:25:50.120 --> 00:25:52.010
  • Sean never told me to come and pick you up!
  • 00:25:52.010 --> 00:25:54.200
  • And I was mortified.
  • 00:25:54.200 --> 00:25:56.140
  • I was thinking right there,
  • 00:25:56.140 --> 00:25:58.240
  • just in cold sweats,
  • 00:25:58.240 --> 00:26:00.120
  • I was nervous.
  • 00:26:00.120 --> 00:26:01.210
  • Someone at the door was knocking on the door,
  • 00:26:01.210 --> 00:26:04.010
  • I open the door,
  • 00:26:04.010 --> 00:26:05.080
  • and lo and behold there was this man.
  • 00:26:05.080 --> 00:26:06.170
  • Sal Avalos,
  • 00:26:06.170 --> 00:26:08.020
  • wherever you are,
  • 00:26:08.020 --> 00:26:08.270
  • thank you.
  • 00:26:08.270 --> 00:26:10.000
  • He showed up,
  • 00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:11.020
  • and he said,
  • 00:26:11.020 --> 00:26:12.190
  • Diana it would give me the greatest honor
  • 00:26:12.190 --> 00:26:15.100
  • for me to take you to your wedding day.
  • 00:26:15.100 --> 00:26:17.170
  • - [Laurie] You can watch full episodes
  • 00:26:18.220 --> 00:26:19.280
  • of Better Together online.
  • 00:26:19.280 --> 00:26:21.280
  • Go to bettertogether.tv to catch up
  • 00:26:21.280 --> 00:26:24.060
  • on all of the latest conversations.
  • 00:26:24.060 --> 00:26:25.200
  • (soft music)
  • 00:26:25.200 --> 00:26:27.250
  • Here's what's coming up next,
  • 00:26:27.250 --> 00:26:29.180
  • on Better Together.
  • 00:26:29.180 --> 00:26:31.040
  • - One thing Matt and I did not do,
  • 00:26:31.040 --> 00:26:32.190
  • we did not communicate proper--
  • 00:26:32.190 --> 00:26:34.200
  • and I didn't know how to talk.
  • 00:26:34.200 --> 00:26:36.250
  • You know I had never fought with anybody.
  • 00:26:36.250 --> 00:26:39.250
  • - [Laurie] Watch Better Together weekdays
  • 00:26:39.250 --> 00:26:41.160
  • and Tuesday nights,
  • 00:26:41.160 --> 00:26:42.260
  • only on TBN.
  • 00:26:42.260 --> 00:26:44.000
  • (soft music)
  • 00:26:44.000 --> 00:26:46.130